The Other 6 Days

Practical Relationship Advice | The Other 6 Days | Episode 44

• Southwest Church • Season 3 • Episode 43

Share episode

In this episode, we are joined by Pastor Mark & Erin Clark from Bayside church to share with us some practical marriage & relationship advice. The ups & downs, roadblocks, hurdles, opportunities & advice on how to show up well in your relationship & marriage.

TOOLS & RESOURCES:

  • Mark Clark: The Problem of Life: How to Find Identity, Purpose, and Joy in a Disenchanted World (https://a.co/d/9cN7Ka9)
    • Practical principles & the remedy for true joy and life-long flourishing. 
    • Available February 18, 2025
  • Mark & Erin Recommendations:
    • My Utmost for his Highest – Oswald Chambers. (https://a.co/d/eW1uQN1)
      • A great one to read together in the morning or at the end of a day together in bed. 
    • Devotions for a Sacred Marriage – Gary Thomas. (https://a.co/d/2OofRIZ)
      • It is a weekly devotional which is good because when you are busy with work and/or children some times once a week is all you can find time for.
    • A Couple’s Guide to a Growing Marriage – Gary Chapman. (https://a.co/d/7iGwwRI)
    • Love and War Devotional for Couples: The Eight-Week Adventure That Will Help You Find the Marriage You Always Dreamed Of (https://a.co/d/0AFkolq)
      • John and Stasi Eldridge. John Eldridge from Wild at Heart fame explore marriage as an amazing adventure God has us on rather than a sentimental, ‘romance’-driven relationship.
    • The Power of the Praying Wife and The Power of the Praying Husband by Stormie Omartian.
  • Dr. Emerson Eggerichs: Love & Respect (https://a.co/d/4hKXEfv)
  • Timothy Keller: The Meaning of Marriage - (https://a.co/d/i2c5nVU)
  • Cultivate Marriage Series - https://southwestchurch.com/cultivate
  • Gary Thomas - The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why? (https://a.co/d/iHAlLm5)
  • Ben Stuart - Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age (https://a.co/d/eNVbEMs)

For more information or to join the conversation, head over to https://southwestchurch.com/theother6days or email us at theother6days@southwestchurch.com

FOLLOW US!

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theother6dayspodcast/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@theother6days
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@theother6days

Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Other Six Days podcast, where we chat about life outside of Sundays and what it means to live from our gatherings, and not just for them. I'm your host, cj McFadden, and I'm here today with two very special guests Pastor Mark Clark and his wife Erin from Bayside Church. Come on, yeah, thanks for having us, bro. Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Our pleasure.

Speaker 1:

Mark is a senior pastor at Bayside, host of the Mark Clark podcast as well as author of several books, including Problem of God and Problem of Jesus. Mark and Aaron have graciously agreed to come on the podcast today and share some practical ways that we can show up well in our relationships and marriage. But first, mark and Aaron, we always kick off our podcast with something a little fun and random.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Sounds good. Today we're going to do I'm going to give you guys some common relationship quotes and you both answer whether you think it's good advice, bad advice, or provide any additional commentary as needed.

Speaker 3:

Okay, all right, here we go, you ready.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I agree.

Speaker 1:

First one happy wife, happy life.

Speaker 3:

Agree.

Speaker 2:

Agree, definitely agree Okay easy one, right? Yeah, it trickles to the whole family, the whole family If she's in a mood, then the rest of the house is in a mood. But if she's soaring.

Speaker 1:

The rest of the house is soaring, so definitely a good thing, that's good.

Speaker 2:

I concur that's a good one.

Speaker 1:

Love is blind.

Speaker 3:

Love is blind.

Speaker 2:

I know I mean it kind of depends. Obviously, erin's a beautiful woman. So then I'm going to look and I'm going to say I love her as beautiful, but I mean, if something— that's not talking about beauty.

Speaker 3:

It's talking about like, if you have like—.

Speaker 1:

Imperfections.

Speaker 3:

Like a thing sticking out of your—what is that saying, if you have something that's—clearly? Everybody else sees the red flag.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You don't see it because you're blinded to it, because you're love, because your emotional attachment is blinding you to the faults.

Speaker 3:

Okay, so that that is technically true, yeah, but yes, cause often it's when you break up with someone you're like.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3:

I totally everything they all said. I see it.

Speaker 2:

So you can be blinded by the emotional attachment to someone? Yeah, if that's what that means.

Speaker 1:

That's good.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I thought it meant like it doesn't matter if someone's ugly or something.

Speaker 3:

No.

Speaker 2:

Well, people use it flippantly.

Speaker 3:

But thanks for the encouragement. I don't think you're ugly. Yeah, that's a good thing. Yeah, points there. Happy wife, yes, yes.

Speaker 1:

Exactly.

Speaker 3:

No, I disagree. Oh, tell us, Dr Freud, do tell I think it's just like with anything that there's ebb and flows, so sometimes your expectations will be needed more. Sometimes it'll be me, so that goes with like what has to happen around the house. That's definitely not 50-50 in our house, because I'm doing probably 90%, he's doing 10. But then you're going out and providing for our cj is nervous for me.

Speaker 3:

Here you only do 10, but because you're going out and you're providing so that works for our family, it's not a natural 50 50 yeah, right um, but then even in like caregiving of the children, or within the relationship of pouring in, there's seasons that I have more to give there's seasons that you have more to give. So I just seasons that you have more to give, so I just think it's like. It's like the ebb and flow of an ocean.

Speaker 2:

It's great. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it depends on the. It depends on the sphere of what we're talking about. Yeah, so you know, there are spheres in which it's like no, there's going to be an 80, that so yeah, 50, 50. I think it's probably an idealistic, I mean, if it just means you're both putting in your best effort.

Speaker 3:

You're meeting in the middle, but then that would be a hundred percent, a hundred.

Speaker 1:

Everybody should be putting in a hundred percent, yeah that's a great, yeah, relationships are a hundred a hundred, I literally saw that someone's that it's a hundred one hundred a hundred percent.

Speaker 3:

If you're gonna do stuff halfway, I don't I want that. You've got to show up 100%, 100%. Well, that's it, thanks guys. All right, good night y'all so much wisdom?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly so much wisdom Okay.

Speaker 1:

All right, never stop dating your spouse yeah. That's an easy one, that's good. Okay, I think that's good.

Speaker 2:

I think what that kind of means is. You can get in these kind of normal flows of life You're raising kids, you're going to work. Things can get stale and just the intentionality of, hey, when we can take a break and you know, go, maybe stay in a hotel one night, or even in town, if you can't travel a lot, or you're going on a date night or you know whatever, it is something intentional that keeps that, because things can just get rhythmic and all of a sudden you're three months in and you haven't really connected emotionally, physically.

Speaker 3:

I think that also means, you could bring me flowers once in a while I'm just saying that also shows dating. You're saying that on this podcast, okay, CJ. No, I'm saying that in life. But she's not a classic, you're not a flower. I would love flowers, just don't get me carnations, like get me good flowers.

Speaker 2:

What does a flower mean? I don't want a lily. A lily, I don't want a lily. I brought her a lily. She's like it smells like a funeral. What do I want, my dad? And what is this? I'm just saying get me good wild flowers, all right, all right, fair enough my girls say that all the time they're like.

Speaker 3:

you know, he could just like Trader Joe's. He could pop to Trader Joe's.

Speaker 1:

Oh, they got good flowers there. I'm just saying Okay, I apologize, I'm looking for tips too.

Speaker 3:

Well, this is one of them, I guess Trader.

Speaker 2:

Joe's together for how long, 25 years, it's kind of the first time I'm hearing that. I mean, I kind of know when she's never really gone on the record and gone. If you got me flowers every two weeks, it'd be really nice. Now I know.

Speaker 3:

Because of this point.

Speaker 2:

CJ, you are helping our marriage already.

Speaker 3:

That's what we do. That's dating.

Speaker 2:

Trader Joe's flowers. Love that. That's a great advice.

Speaker 1:

You had deer in headlights so I just thought we needed to unpack that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, that's great. No, I appreciate it. Marriage is already getting better.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for that If they can't handle you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best. Ooh.

Speaker 3:

Wow, there's a lot in that one. I agree with that.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot in that one we of see each other at our worst.

Speaker 3:

Of course.

Speaker 2:

No one else in the world should see you at your absolute worst. That's what a spouse is. There's a definition of a spouse right there the person who can see you at your worst and still love you.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Definitely.

Speaker 1:

But if they can't handle you there, do they deserve you at your best?

Speaker 3:

Well, if you're married, then that's what you got.

Speaker 2:

They probably don't deserve you at your best, but they're going to help you get back to your best.

Speaker 3:

That's it. Yes, I like that.

Speaker 2:

If they navigate those dark seasons with you which everyone's going to have some of them last a year, some of them last a month, some of them last you know whatever, but then you're going to get them to their best by being there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're going to get them to their best by being there. So, yeah, yeah, that's good For sure. Well, and it may not be what you deserve, but it's what you got and that's exactly it, so let's make the best.

Speaker 3:

Sometimes, I think of that often, even when we're like in fights or whatever, it's like okay, we're in this for life, like we're committed to this. So how long do I want to hold on to this? Like yeah, that's great, or let's get back to it and start figuring out a way. And so in those hard seasons are worse seasons, you're right, like when you're coming alongside and guiding through those, and that will happen.

Speaker 1:

And if you haven't, hit your forties and pre-menopause. All that it happens.

Speaker 3:

We all have those seasons of guiding and all of that which is a beautiful thing, oh man that's good yeah. The little things are the big things are the big things. So, like the little things, yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely any any commentary on that, for sure I like. I know people that live in the big, the big things, but then their day-to-day isn't. I'd rather have the little day-to-day moments of connection of all of those things, that friendship relationship, than just having the big extravagant moments in time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's almost like the little things are the daily like are you keeping a budget? You know? Uh, how's the conversations going, how are the raising of the kids on the day to day? Those are the little things and they amount to the big. It's not just like, hey, should we move? Yeah, it's like, well, that happens a few times in your life, but it's like, hey, how's the weekly budget going? How's everything? You know, all of those things. It's a death by a million cuts, right. It's like it's the little things that actually move the big things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's cumulative, kind of like the deposits right. They talk about that so little deposits add up over time.

Speaker 3:

Yes, Right, I love that. I like the cuts, though. Yeah, death by a thousand cuts.

Speaker 1:

That's really good, or like Trader Joe's flowers.

Speaker 2:

By a thousand Trader Joe's flowers. That's awesome Every two weeks.

Speaker 1:

I got it, the key to I didn't say I just like to.

Speaker 3:

I didn't say two weeks Like every week. You pass by Trader Joe's every day. You thrown into it. Where did I get two weeks? There should always be. I'm going to go back and listen to this podcast and see if she said it or not. I know you have an extra $6. So every week I just replace the old with the new, because she does the budget. That's how she knows. There you go.

Speaker 2:

It's funny actually, on the budget thing, I was listening to Nate Bregazzi on the flight here and he has that little bit in his thing where he Because his wife does all the banking and he's like I don't even know what bank. So, he's like I just walk into random banks once in a while and go is my money here?

Speaker 1:

That's me. I would literally not know what bank we're attached to. I'm right there with you. I happen to know the bank name, but I know nothing else.

Speaker 3:

So they would just think I'm crazy, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

The key to a successful relationship is low expectations.

Speaker 3:

I don't like that one. I do like that one. Go ahead, I know Go ahead. I don't I think we should all expect the most out of people. I don't think you'd be the man you were today if I didn't have high expectations of you.

Speaker 2:

That's a great Shoot high yeah.

Speaker 3:

Bring you up. It's like even with kids. Right, they'll be. They'll only come to a certain point. If you're like, if you're not encouraging and leaning in and all of that, they'll rise to the expectations that they think they can achieve. It's like, yeah, you're mediocre. You're mediocre If you keep feeling like I've been told my whole life I'm mediocre, you're not going to try to go beyond. It's like I think you're the best. I love that.

Speaker 2:

There's that great, that poster quote I talk about often where it's. I would rather die of thirst than drink at the data of, like, I think, gary Rosenberg and different people. Marriage advice they talk about, like the seven, six or seven D's that move toward divorce, and the first one is disappointment. The number one way that you start a route toward breaking up is you're disappointed. Yeah Right, I thought you were going to be this. So of course, the solution could be hey, this person better, get better.

Speaker 2:

But maybe part of it is you should lower your expectations on this person because they're disappointing you because you have this bar apocalyptic romantic version of this person's going to fulfill me. They're going to be the greatest human being on the planet, and if you just let's lower those expectations a little bit, then maybe you won't be disappointed.

Speaker 1:

So there's a balance there. Oh, I love that Wow. What a good different perspectives there, of kind of saying the same thing yeah, yeah, oh my gosh Just realize we're real people.

Speaker 2:

None of us are heroes. None of us are perfect. We're not gods and goddesses. Let's just expect it.

Speaker 1:

Meet me where I'm at. Yeah, wow, that's really good Listen to understand, not to respond.

Speaker 3:

Yes, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Brilliant.

Speaker 2:

For sure, brilliant and hard to do, especially for men. I think struggle with that the most, especially for men.

Speaker 3:

No, because men want to have resolution. They don't want to see you do this.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 3:

Me you want to jump to solution because you don't want to see the pain. But part of the process of in anything is walking through it, and so it's like, okay, I don't want answers, I just want to know that you're going to walk alongside with me. And then there's time that obviously we want your wisdom and discernment and all of that.

Speaker 1:

But in the moment. It's like stop talking and just listen to me. Like you're not listening to me, it's like stop talking and just listen to me.

Speaker 3:

You're not listening to me.

Speaker 2:

You're doing good. Yeah, so you know they talk about this, obviously on a meta level. This is like one of the differences between men and women. Women tend to be and this is nine times out of ten, there's always nuance tend to be the process-oriented and men tend to be results-oriented. So that's what she's talking about. It's like you know you're telling me a story about some conflict. Like, I have three daughters, so I'm in the female world where they're processing some problem with their girlfriend and I'm sitting there jumping to all the solutions to just take away the pain. I don't want to see my 16-year-old crying, yeah. So I'm like, well, just do this and do this, turn the knobs, do this and fix it, and it's like that's not what that's not what the point is.

Speaker 2:

Four women just going what is wrong with you?

Speaker 1:

you idiot why do you always go right on all those things?

Speaker 2:

It's like, oh, they're just excuse me, they're just wanting to, they're just wanting to process the conversation, they're not wanting my solutions. And I'm jumping to guys this and move on, because, emotionally, how can you, how can you live like this? You know, men just want to move on. Okay, we got it. Now we can move on. We can all be mentally healthier, and the women are. It's in the process, it's you know, so anyway. So that's obviously one of the big differences, and so it's super hard to just be like, oh yeah, shut up and just listen to understand, don't listen to just give an answer.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, and I think we do this often just in life too we aren't listening, listening to people enough. We're always thinking, okay, what's my next thing going to be?

Speaker 3:

And a lot of it is just we're selfish. We like ourselves more than the other people, so we do this every day when we're out and about, and you'll catch yourself after hearing this. You're like wait, I think I do do that where you're waiting for your next time to be able to, and sometimes it's empathizing, but often it's more so just you're telling your own story in response because you're like oh yeah, yeah, I have a story for that too.

Speaker 1:

Spark something for me.

Speaker 3:

Yes, exactly and it's like no, no, this is their time and their thing.

Speaker 1:

So, wow, this is healing for me. I'm learning a lot. I'm writing down what you guys are saying.

Speaker 3:

Oh, my gosh, that's so good. Love is not about finding the right person. It's about being the right person. I think neither of those. I think you find the person and, whoever you've chosen that person to be, you figure out how to love them well, as God's called us to, just like it goes to. There's not one person for each. There's not one person I could be compatible. I could have been compatible with many people. This is who I chose. So how do I love and serve him how God's asked me to serve?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's great, Stanley Hauerwas. Who's this philosopher and thinker? He talks about the idea of you have to figure out how to love the stranger that you find yourself married to. Wow, Because what happens in marriage is, given the thing that it is the weighty thing, that it is 20 years on, you are actually different people than you married. So the whole concept that you've changed and it's like, yeah, you changed me, and having a mortgage and three kids and two dogs and all of this changed who I am. So now it's like now you got to find out how to love the person that, not that, you married.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But the person that is now. In front of you, in front of me, and so um so, but obviously the being the right person is to Aaron's point. You're adapting oh, they like this, so I'll do this. They don't like this, so I won't do that yeah, and you become that person and it's and it's not what our modern culture tells us well, you're you and don't let your spouse change you and you just be you and it's like, yeah, but you, if you sucks.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's not connected to the person maybe you should not be that you, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's good. Oh my gosh, that's so good. Um, if you're going to fight, fight naked.

Speaker 2:

Wow, I like that one. Yeah, that's a good one. I don't like that one. I don't like that one. I want to do it with a different responsibility.

Speaker 1:

No, I don't like that one.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I don't want to fight, I just want to fight. Yeah, yeah, that's not going to fix anything.

Speaker 2:

That is not helpful. Nope, that is not.

Speaker 1:

I asked my wife about the one and she's like, yeah, that's horrible.

Speaker 2:

I've never even heard that. I've never heard that before. I have Nothing sounds sexy, Because when you're mad at each other, the last emotion I think that's like in your newlywed times maybe, oh really.

Speaker 3:

You're fighting naked. It's weird. Well, I just think.

Speaker 2:

Maybe that more.

Speaker 3:

But as sorry, there's nothing about I have compartments, and that's not.

Speaker 1:

I think someone said one time, if you were to de-robe, you would just start laughing and then the fight would be over.

Speaker 3:

So maybe there's that, I don't know, but anyway. And then a new fight starts, because you're supposed to laugh at that. What are you laughing at? What are you?

Speaker 1:

laughing at. I knew you thought I was laughing yeah. Alright, if you hear that. Not a good choice, yeah.

Speaker 3:

No, I'm not for that.

Speaker 1:

Relationships should be easy if you pick the right person.

Speaker 3:

No, no, nope, yeah, we kind of covered that a little bit, huh, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 2:

Anytime you involve one other person outside of your own brain. Things are going to become complicated anytime.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Whether that's me and CJ, or just me and anybody else in the world other than what's in my own brain.

Speaker 3:

It's like be it's not gonna be easy. The easy part of it is when you choose someone that like, if you're a christ follower and you choose a christ follower, that's, I believe, why god's asked us to do that it's for our good, so that we still have the same goals and the same structure in which to do conflict and all that. But we are unique people coming in, but we know that we have the same reference point when we fight, when we all the decisions in life are the same pointer.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, think about the practical reality of money. If you marry someone who doesn't value Jesus and you want to start tithing to a church, you know whatever it's like, well, that's not what we do with our money. It's like there's a million examples of Christ Christ being the center is going to help you you know, navigate that so yeah, that's great.

Speaker 1:

Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think that's like what we were talking about earlier, those cuts by a thousand cuts, yeah, yeah, those cuts by a thousand cuts.

Speaker 1:

You, yeah, you build, yeah, you build trust every day. And then you can lose all of it in one big mistake, one decision, yeah, yeah, that's good, uh, love means never having to say you're sorry no, no yeah no not saying she says it often, but I definitely say it more.

Speaker 2:

Apologies are important.

Speaker 1:

Yes, we joke. Kelly told me that she's like I mean, I've said it twice in our marriage. That's what she says literally.

Speaker 3:

Probably Erin said it twice in our marriage, but there's a I show my yeah you show?

Speaker 2:

I don't, but that's the thing, it's, that's, but that's all about adapting. And again, the expectations. If you expect someone to always be apologizing and always it's like come on, man, life's, what are you doing? Don't project this on this person. You're dealing with life. You know she's sorry, move on. You don't need 10 minutes of an apology.

Speaker 1:

That's good advice.

Speaker 2:

Apologies are good. Yeah, they are. I'm sorry. I do value that Real apologies.

Speaker 1:

Always be the other person's biggest cheerleader 100% yes. No doubt, always be the other person's biggest cheerleader. 100%, yes, no doubt. Yes, easy one. This one more towards relationships. But if you love, if you love them, let them go. If they come back to you, they're yours. If they don't, it was never meant to be I never really understood that one. Why would you?

Speaker 3:

let someone go that you love. I don't get it.

Speaker 1:

Because they love you enough. The idea is that then they would return to you, and then that means that that's even more of a sign that they actually were in love with you.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think that might be what we tell ourselves when a person leaves us.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's like oh yeah, it almost sounds like a dog or something, Love it and then open the door and see if it ever comes back. It's like, oh good, it loves me. It's like what do you need that kind of affirmation?

Speaker 1:

What are you a psycho? This is where my bowl of food is at. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3:

It makes a good song. A lot of songs have that sentiment in it, but every time there's a few songs that my girls are always listening to and that sentiment's in it and to, and that sentiments in it and I'm like guys, this is so illogical.

Speaker 1:

I'm sorry, if he loves you, he's not just walking away. Yeah, see ya, but yeah, that's good.

Speaker 2:

Always tell your spouse everything I'm, I would be more on that side of like probably. You know it's like um, you know, interstellar, if you've ever seen that movie, you know the computer, you know it says something. And then he's like you know, interstellar, if you've ever seen that movie, you know the computer, you know it says something. And then he's like, hey, what's your, what's your honesty setting? And it said 100 percent. And he's like, nah, let's bring that down to 80 because there's no utility, there's no utility in always telling the 100 percent truth in any social setting. Yeah, right, like you know whatever Right. And so, yes, of course, with the big things and honesty, but it's like you don't need to constantly. You know every little detail. So there is a bit of a. You know you can keep some things to yourself, but nothing that erodes trust.

Speaker 3:

Yeah yeah, that makes sense. Yeah yeah, but why wouldn't we though?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. I can't think of anything off the top of my head where I'm like I got to bury that one and make sure I don't tell her.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I do sometimes like I actually have that with, like, like my best girlfriend when she tells me things that don't wouldn't make a difference.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

I don't tell Mark those things. I feel like there's a trust level with that friend that we're not that kind of couple that are like it's a guaranteed that I know everything mark knows. That's not how we are because there's also trust with other people that I have. It's nothing to do with my life, nothing to do with your life it's her personal life yeah and so in those ways I don't think we're like that. That.

Speaker 2:

That's a good point and I, I think, and this, this is actually really good advice I'm just throwing it out, I'll give you the analogy here so oftentimes what?

Speaker 2:

happens at war, in work settings okay, take being a pastor. So something happens at work and someone's a jerk, and what happens oftentimes is you'll go home to your wife and you'll tell her about it. Okay, then two weeks later that person will walk up to you and they'll apologize and you'll make up and everything will be fine. But you will not go home and tell your wife that, because that's a boring story to tell over dinner. Yeah, what? The more important stories are the critiques. You rarely go home and go. You know so-and-so is so great mended our relationship.

Speaker 2:

No, so now what's happening is your spouse gets all this negative information but rarely the resolution, and then they build a narrative about those people and it poisons them and so sometimes that happens, so I don't think you need to be going every time someone comes to you and tells you something you got to go tell your wife oh, this is a, this is a, you know, whatever.

Speaker 1:

There's a great word for it. Yeah, oh, that's great. So next question we're out of the kind of beginning portion of it there, which we're halfway through the podcast.

Speaker 3:

I love it.

Speaker 2:

Sorry about my cough here. That's great though.

Speaker 1:

What would you say is your favorite quirk or the thing that you admire most about your spouse?

Speaker 3:

We both have a lot of quirks.

Speaker 1:

You can say a couple if you want.

Speaker 3:

I don't know those are like an easy thing. What I admire most about Mark is and I say this all the time the way like he is a preacher. He is an incredible. God has, like, given him such an incredible gift to share his word and I'm so thankful. So one of the things is that I love listening to Mark preach. Like anytime he's preaching I am there, my kids are there, like we can't wait.

Speaker 3:

He is our favorite, favorite preacher, and it's not because he shares stories of us, it's not because it's because he is just bringing the word of God to life and making us like disconnected and the Holy Spirit is so working through him that my own husband who can all the quirks and can annoy me to death when he's preaching just the Holy Spirit does something that God speaks to me through his word, using Mark's words but his word. God speaks to me through his word, using Mark's words, but his word. And that would not happen if he was not the same person at home as he is on stage. My kids wouldn't have that same respect. I wouldn't have that same respect if he came home and mistreated his family or, from the stage, speaks. One thing that is what I admire most about Mark is. He is that person we know, without a doubt, with all the quirks, with all this stuff.

Speaker 2:

I don't know if she mentioned the quirks. I got a couple of quirks. We all know the quirks.

Speaker 3:

But you're loyal. Like we never have to doubt your loyalty to myself, my girls never have to question their dad's loyalty to me. All of that stuff that adds up so that's great.

Speaker 2:

What do you got? What do you got? I mean a million things. She's beautiful, she's awesome, she serves me well, loves me well, knows what I need. You know all of that stuff. But uh, here's the thing. She's super beautiful. I mean beautiful, she's super, uh, smart actually, and that you know she's. She can zone in, like and be there for people. She was just at a situation where there was hundreds of people around and she was like pastoring all the people and they were connecting to her and loving her within one day, hugging her and looking for advice and crying in her arms. She's like a pastor to all the people. She's super smart, super brilliant in her own right, but and could probably build a business empire without me around uh, very self sustaining, very like. I always joke around. It would take her two weeks to realize I died.

Speaker 3:

If I died, she'd be like is he dead? Oh yeah, it took two weeks.

Speaker 2:

Uh, she's just that, you know she's. She's not one of these people who's like, oh, I need, I need, I need, but is in our partnership, decided that ministry, you know, preaching, teaching, pastoring I mean, we're partners a hundred percent. We planted the church together. We did made every decision together for 18 years about everything we were going to do in ministry. But she was willing to go. I'll take a bit of a back seat so that you succeed and in ministry and what you do, and that she didn't have to do that she could have. You know, cause oftentimes what happens in marriages if you have people like that, it's like, no, I'm going to do my career, you're going to do your career, and no one's willing to give. And so you have these two people kind of going up and she, you know, could have built an empire in her own right and has said, hey, this is, we're going to partner in ministry and you're going to do what you're going to do and I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, that's so powerful. Yeah, because you just see you've submitted. That's so humble.

Speaker 3:

like to be able to submit that and know that you could do something else, and I mean that's just beautiful, that is hard. That's Christ. What have you called? Me to, and all of that, it's a lot of humbling yourself for the seasons, but then also you're able to look back and see the gifts of those seasons as well, of that submission to both God and my husband in that.

Speaker 2:

And if I was at home 10 hours a day raising three daughters, it'd be a very interesting outcome. It'd be a different outcome for these girls Interesting is a good word. That'd be a different outcome for these girls. Interesting is a good word. That'd be an interesting multiverse. What would these three girls have turned out like if I was the one at home 10 hours a day? It's a horror movie.

Speaker 1:

Well, and I would push back a little on you because I think she would know it wouldn't take two weeks because she'd be, like, well, on Sunday Mark wasn't there to speak. That's true. All about his travel schedule. Oh yeah, that's true, literally a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 3:

Mark was home for a couple days, but he had been sick, so he came home and was just like sequestered to our room.

Speaker 2:

Is sequester the right word there? Sequester, yeah, you're sequestered. Is that the right word? I think that's a word. Let's Google the word sequester.

Speaker 3:

I'll keep talking. You Google it and let me know. I use words often that don't have exactly the right, but I say it with such conviction that it's got to be right.

Speaker 1:

What do we? Got Isolated and hidden away. You're right, oh, no, okay, that was good.

Speaker 2:

She's a word master too. I told you smart, smart, smart, brilliant.

Speaker 3:

So he sequestered me and it was literally he had been home for like four days and also my daughter's like wait, dad's home.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, wait, he's in the bedroom. They don't know with his travel schedule. I was quarantined. We all just do our thing. I was sequestered.

Speaker 1:

I'll tell you what that means later. Yeah, exactly what is some fundamental relationship advice. You wish you had been told at the beginning of your relationship, something that would have benefited you guys greatly from the get-go.

Speaker 3:

I think what you leaned into earlier of you will be married by the end of Mark and I's marriage will be married to one person, but like six variations of that person.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's good.

Speaker 3:

So, learning to how, learning how to fall in love with a new person, like I've had kids. I've, like we've gone through all of these seasons, and every one of those seasons changes who you are, your values, your all of these ideologies, all of that shifts within that, and so, for me, even as you were saying it, I was like, yeah, that is the biggest thing, because you're learning to love that person. You're not holding on to the person that you fell in love with, because you're also not the same, and so, yeah, and if you lean into that, it's actually exciting. It's like, okay, we're allowed to evolve together, you're allowed to evolve, I'm allowed to evolve. And uh, I think that, yeah, that's great for me.

Speaker 2:

I think um, to, to, to be biblical. Uh, I think there's two passages, uh, Ephesians five love your wife and then, wise, respect your husband. I think that dynamic is crucial, crucial, crucial. And then maybe the most important marriage verse in the whole Bible, philippians, chapter two, where you're supposed to look at the person and and and basically treat them better than you would want yourself to be treated.

Speaker 2:

And if you have that, that principle, in your marriage, I'm going to treat her the way I want, even better than how I want to be treated. And she wakes up in the morning and says I'm going to treat him better than I want, even better than how I want to be treated. And she wakes up in the morning and says I'm going to treat him better than I want to be treated. If you're trying to out-treat each other, you're going to be 85 and you're going to be happy. Yeah, right, I mean. So what better advice is there than that? Just on a pragmatic, if someone had sat us down and said okay, you know, you're 23 years old, you're getting married, try to out-treat one another in every way. You know you're going to be happier.

Speaker 1:

Well, that was kind of what you guys. That leans into what you guys were talking about. As far as that, you'll change, you know, multiple times in your relationship what every five to six years or something like that You're almost a different person.

Speaker 3:

And so that you're growing together, which is probably why that seven and then it happens again. I don't know you yeah.

Speaker 1:

And the kids when they leave. You know the empty nesters and all that and I don't know you. You know we're not even friends anymore and those kinds of things.

Speaker 1:

So I mean so that pursuit you know if you're doing that and kind of you know saying, hey, I'm going to treat you better than I, than you know, as I would want to be treated. Yeah, you is some of the worst relationship advice that you've ever received, Like something that should probably be avoided at all costs, or for you guys, I remember people always used to say don't go to bed angry, and for us that would be the worst, because sometimes you just need space.

Speaker 3:

Sometimes you do need to just be like, okay, we're going to pick this back up, let's actually sleep on it and talk about it when we both calm down or I've heard people within that too it's not just actually sleep, it's kind of like you can just keep on going at it, going at it, going at it without any resolution, where I've heard of people that I know that are in like consistent conflict within marriage and they've had to come up and this has been through counseling that have suggested like have a word that when you know that nothing no conflict resolution is happening, you have a word that shuts it down, that you take a break and that you're able to come back.

Speaker 3:

Because you do get to a point where it's like early on in your marriage, you think like okay, wait, are we just supposed to sit here and just keep on? And it's like no, that's silly. So and I struggled with that a lot more, where Mark was much more I would just talk until things were like I don't know the saying, but I would just keep talking and talking and talking and want this resolution and sometimes it would just be like we just need to just agree to disagree and kind of shift on. And you were much better at that. You would kind of just be like, okay, we're just going to, let's just shelf this, let's talk about this later and in life as I said, anytime you're functioning with somebody outside of your own brain, you're going to disagree on stuff.

Speaker 2:

There's going to be things. At the end of the day, we're going to have to go to bed and go. You think it's green, I think it's blue. That's life.

Speaker 3:

It is what it is. I can sleep well tonight, knowing it is green. I'm right about everything, which is why I don't have to say sorry.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, if you're right about everything.

Speaker 2:

It makes sense, it's all coming together. What's other advice we've? Um? There's people who you know the the, the funny example that we sometimes give is just there's people who think that like you have to do marriage, like they do marriage.

Speaker 2:

So, our friends like have a television in their bedroom and it's a little bit of a generation thing Cause they're like in their late fifties. They would say you know you shouldn't, you know you should. When you're in your bedroom you should be watching the same tv show because that's communal for you and you're going to connect emotionally, blah, blah. Whereas aaron and I are like I'd rather be on my ipad watching the godfather, she'd rather be, you know, scrolling a reel or watching something else she doesn't have. She doesn't care about the guy and we're fine. We're in bed together, we're hanging out, we're chatting. There's nothing wrong with our marriage. We're just engaging different things because we like different things. Yeah, and this concept that you have to be watching the same thing or something's wrong with your marriage is we just think it's bad advice.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, practical. Yeah, just think it's bad advice. Yeah, practical. Yeah, you and I have very different um hobbies, very different likes, dislikes. We don't have to love everything and do everything together yeah, so if we're still doing it side by side. I watch my avid elementary, you're watching the godfather. We both go to bed happy. It's great.

Speaker 1:

Well, because the idea right is not to become the same person right, right.

Speaker 3:

So you're individual for a reason, and so yeah because I literally wrote that down me.

Speaker 1:

This was a point of contention early on for me and kelly, my wife. Um, we tried to copy other people's relationships and apply what they did to ours. Like you said and we thought like well, I'm like, hey, the recipe from my friendships are the ones that work the one from yours are the ones that work, and that's how we'll make a healthy relationship, and they didn't.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, and that comes up often even in the way you fight, like some people are more like let's talk it through. Let's figure, mark and I are both eights on the enneagram, we just raise it to the top. Yeah, we just go, go, go. And then we literally are just like okay, let's move on with our life where other people would be like what just happened? I don't even know what to happen. We're like oh, we're done, like we've moved on. We'll never talk about this again. We're fine, yeah actually uh.

Speaker 2:

Just before I forget john gotman, who's uh for your listeners, if this is like the topic, he's a great thinker around marriage. He has something called the gotman institute in seattle for marriage and he's he's great. He does crazy analysis where he can figure out to a 96 percent uh whether your marriage is going to last sick by spending like literally four minutes with you. Like it's just crazy data, right, and what he talks about is there's, there's people. The way that you conflict is they'll get in a fight and the husband will simply, after an hour or whatever, he'll turn on ESPN, she'll go shopping, they'll put it under the rug and they'll never talk about it again and their marriage is the kind of marriage they would want their children to have after 60 years. They're flourishing and they're fine and they don't feel this like you have to dredge up every problem you've ever had and deal with it down to its nth degree, and he's like this is life. Yeah, you know we're imperfect people, so you just learn how to deal with it and you get through it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wow, that's really wise advice. There's just some things that are unresolved, right, and?

Speaker 2:

so that's okay. Yeah, we're complicated creatures, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Um, what would you guys say?

Speaker 3:

um might have, might be a point of has been a intention in your relationship or just in general for most couples that you counter like anything that pops up. I think just overall just being different people, we see the world differently. We see how we'd spend our time, like all of those kind of things would be just those natural little things they don't erode us at all or anything, but they'd just be the things that you're constantly pushing up against Kids. Kids will do that to you.

Speaker 2:

Kids are definitely the biggest form of conflict in our marriage, because that's just natural, like when you decide to have kids, like if we were just you and me, we'd have way more money. You know we'd have fun Like we'd travel the world, we'd do stuff, we'd always be hanging out and just connect. It would just be a different life. When you decide to have children, you're deciding to sacrifice something, you know. You're deciding you're going to fight more with your spouse. You're going to disagree on how to raise kids, you're going to dig. You know, like she said, my girls will turn against me. I got four mothers at home. They'll make me feel like an idiot. And it's like, all right, I guess this is just me eating my soup here. And it's like all these girls are ganging up, you know, and it's like if we didn't have that and it was just her and I, I'd probably look smarter and better.

Speaker 2:

And you know whatever, so it's like you know, it's just that's part of life, is you sacrifice. You know you're going to fight more. You know, financially, socially, whatever, and that's just the beauty of having kids, yeah, you know. So that would be our biggest form of conflict when, when we are without our kids, like when we go trip, you know we went to israel, you know whatever a couple years ago and you're away for two weeks.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're like different people yeah you're just like oh, yeah, remember, it's like you know, it's just like different world. And then you come back, you're like oh, yeah, we got it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think those four girls keep you humble a little bit too.

Speaker 2:

Very well, definitely.

Speaker 3:

I'm one of those four. That's what I was saying. The four girls, that's what I meant. The four girls in the household.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, exactly. Yeah, we always said miscommunication Well, and especially you guys as Enneagram 8s too. I mean, that's obviously indicative of just a relationship having strong personalities and stuff like that there is. Conflict and points of contention and you guys say that that's not a reason. Most people actually avoid and say that we'll avoid that at all costs and you guys kind of embrace that which.

Speaker 3:

I think is very unique, but that's so cool and to have your kids watch you work through that.

Speaker 1:

There's got to be something there. You know they're learning going, hey.

Speaker 3:

Conflict resolution kinds of things.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we'll see yeah.

Speaker 3:

Two bookends Totally embrace it because they're the same. And then that classic middle child that just wants peace everywhere. It's like why is everybody always out of 10?

Speaker 2:

It is an interesting question actually that you raised CJ. I wonder what our kids see in us in regard to conflict. I wonder what if you sat them down and said how do you think mom and dad do conflict Out of 10, is it healthy, is it unhealthy?

Speaker 3:

I would say probably unhealthy, not. How do you think mom and dad do conflict Out of 10, is it healthy? Is it unhealthy? What are they?

Speaker 2:

But not just.

Speaker 3:

Not just is it healthy but what do you see them do? But that goes to the whole thing of of visually like what your friends do, not comparing to your friends. Your kids would have that same kind of response if they're watching. Now, one thing that I've always been very cautious on and this is I always speak to this whenever I'm speaking to um on marriage is if your kids see you have conflict with your spouse, they must see the resolution, because often the resolution happens later. The kids go to bed and then you talk it through and then you make up and you're all happy and you move on.

Speaker 3:

Kids aren't involved in that, so they're always being left on the fight or the argument or whatever it might be, and it's like no, no, you have to follow up. You have to make sure that they're also seeing. How do you apologize to one another? How do you come together in that way? So that's huge.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing advice and it's like your illustration that you use when you go and tell your wife something about a work situation you had, and then she has no resolution and you do, I mean, same kind of thing.

Speaker 3:

So for your kids, I never thought about applying that to children. Yeah, that's fantastic. They need to see you apologize and all that Very good.

Speaker 2:

Well with as busy as you both are. What are some ways that you guys work to stay connected when you don't have time? Some practical ways yeah, that's good, we always do it perfectly. But, um, I think we take, we look for opportunities, whether it is like doing something like this we're jumping a plane for a couple days, come down, hang out together, you know, have the conversations, have a nice dinner, just connect. I think we look for those opportunities intentionally and enjoy them.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think a big thing. We just moved in the last couple months and we've always had a hot tub at our house and I know that that is an extra. I know that's not everybody's thing, but for us that was our place of connection, um, where at the end of the evening, every night, we'd go in the hot tub and that is where we would just talk about the day, talk about the day, talk about work talk about all of the things, and I think that's why you're even feeling like I don't think we're doing

Speaker 3:

that because we haven't had that for the last few months and we've been talking about the fact of like there's nothing like a common place that we come together and just sit down and just are like okay, let's talk about our day and relax.

Speaker 2:

We tried to run a family bathtub relax.

Speaker 3:

We tried to run a family bathtub, you know, but the kids couldn't fit in there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we're working on it that's so good, that's so convicting. Because literally my wife said can we please get? She's been asking me for a hot tub for a while with. And I'm like now, now she's gonna hear this and be like see, I told you, so I gotta tell you it's great.

Speaker 2:

It's where you connect with the kids.

Speaker 3:

I know it's obviously for many reasons it's not plausible for everybody, but if you are able to do it, especially as your kids become teenagers, it is this place that your kids will talk nonstop about life, Like that is probably the only place that your girls will sit down and just yep, yep, yep yep yep. They leave their phones, they come out and they're just so happy to just be and you're out in the world and that is that's cool, but I have friends.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, sorry, sorry, no, I was just going to say if you you know, if you have to, if you have to justify it financially and all that and that's legitimate, and so, as she said, not everyone can do it, but if you can, it's. It's literally you're buying time with your kids. That's what you're doing. You're investing money to buy time, and the time goes by very quick.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yes, and but I know friends that they go out every night after dinner for a walk. That's how they know they've got that connection time. I'm not sure, mark, and I've ever walked anywhere.

Speaker 2:

That sounds exhausting. We're more or less just there, just sitting in the bubbles.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So what is a prayer? Serious one here.

Speaker 3:

What is a?

Speaker 1:

well, they're all serious, but what is a prayer for your spouse, or something you desire for your future together. More so the prayer, kind of something that you know.

Speaker 2:

I want us to have like an awesome I don't know how to say this Uh, second two thirds with our kids.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You know, like whatever, however long we have to live the next 40 years of our life, yeah, if we live to 80, mid eighties, um, you know to be able to to flourish with our kids and and just just have that like-80s. You know to be able to flourish with our kids and just have that like, let's do this thing, let's be a tribe.

Speaker 2:

You know, let's you know. There's this clip. There was a clip of a TV show. I don't know if I've sent this to you. I meant to send it to you. It was like a Dallas Cowboys, the coach of the Dallas Cowboys. You've probably seen this. It's like it was going around jim, what would are you, are you?

Speaker 2:

no, I'm just a golfer, jim joe me too, um so anyway he's like, oh, he's like an 80 year old owner of the dallas cow, whoever, and he's on. He's on some show. It's a clip of him saying you would love this.

Speaker 2:

It's about the fact that he's like when I was growing up, basically, I decided I was going to create an empire where I could work with my family, because, at the end of the day, I'm going to die one day and I didn't get to. I didn't get to spend time with my kids, and so I built an empire where I would always work with my children so that, the end of my life, we spend as much time together as possible. Talked about that, too, like the ability, as best you can and, again, not everybody can if you're just a teacher, you're not going to be able to build an empire with your kids. But whatever you can do to involve your kids whether that's business opportunities, whether that's hey, let's get in partnership together with this, or hey, I set you up for success with that, you know, whatever it is where there's some kind of connection um, I think that would be really, really cool in the second half of life.

Speaker 3:

So yeah, I. I think I often like, when I'm praying for Mark personally, it's that your voice continues to be to be used for kingdom that lives continue to be changed through that.

Speaker 3:

Um, that has been just a blessing to be a part of and I would love to just continue to. To see that and then our future together. Yeah, it's. It's interesting as kids are getting older and all of that there is, especially as a mom, you start feeling those like our oldest is 18, youngest is 14. And it's like, oh my gosh, like there's a few years and all of these kids are going to. That's hard, like it's a hard season to even be in. Where you're like oh, I might start crying. Where you're like I I love seeing them like flourishing and excited for what's coming next in their lives, but I'm like or we could just all just keep cocooning together.

Speaker 3:

Yeah let's pause, there's no need for this and so one of my prayers for us is that, when that time does come, that we're still friends and that we enjoy being together still and having that common ground together.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wow, that's beautiful. Yeah, I love that. I hear proximity and purpose in there, kind of yeah, that's so good and the other.

Speaker 2:

The other prayer I have for aaron is like she is an amazing writer. As I said, she's super smart, she's an amazing writer, she has a voice in so many of these things and just to be able to, in her own right, get into some of that stuff because what's happened is that she's been distracted by raising the kids. That is such a priority in her life that she sacrifices a lot of these like personal vocational identity things that she could kill. I mean anybody who spends any time with like I want to hire you to run my company. I want to hire you to be a realtor. I want to hire you to be the designer. I want to hire you to speak at this women's thing.

Speaker 3:

I want to hire you to pastor this.

Speaker 2:

You know everyone wants a piece. Yeah, and it's like she's, she's like she just ignores all of it. Yeah, and just like I got to raise these three daughters and that's her focus, and it's like be cool when she can come into her own and go. Okay, that was great. Now I get to zone in on me for a bit and make my mark you know which will be really cool to see.

Speaker 1:

That'll be fun.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Wow, she loves you guys a lot. That's so awesome, yeah, wow. Well, as always, we want to. We hope our conversations are engaging, but we want to provide people with helpful resources for their relationship. So what are some resources that you guys would like to point to that they might find helpful or beneficial?

Speaker 2:

I'd also love for you to's a list here of actually great stuff Love and Respect, timothy Keller's book on marriage, gary Thomas's book on marriage you know, all of those things are awesome stuff. In regard to the question of marriage and relationships, francis Chan has a great book on marriage. We've poked around writing a book on marriage. We've probably written I don't know 60, 70% of it, but it's, you know, it's in the works. It's there, uh, actually kind of a cool little concept where it's like it'll be like you can tell the difference between Aaron's voice and my voice in even as you're reading it, like it'd be different colors almost on the page or something you know, some kind of dynamic where you can kind of understand that the ideas are going back and forth.

Speaker 3:

Anyway, so, yeah, so those resources, timothy Keller.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the Meaning of Marriage, yours will be the Problem of Marriage or no. I don't know. That was the original idea. Okay, so we'll see.

Speaker 2:

So, we have a publishing company that we're starting at the church called Thrive Media and attracting great authors and we're publishing their work. So if we do a marriage book, then we'll do it through that that's cool, yeah, very cool, and you, your listeners, will be the first to know about it. So, yeah, yeah, but yes, the problem of life problem of life.

Speaker 2:

Um, this is about three years in development, um, and it is kind of what it sounds like identity, purpose and joy, uh, everything about what it means to be a human being, what it it means to live life from birth to death and everything in between. How do we flourish versus flounder in life? So what I wanted to do is very practically, basically sit people down and every chapter it's almost like a it's like a life coach scenario where I'm sitting them down, I'm going listen. If you do this, chances are you're going to flourish in life versus flounder. So it's like listen to the old Aiken side of you. Find out where you came from. Don't try to be God, look up.

Speaker 2:

Not in Live as a victor, not a victim. It just goes through all from pain to flourishing, to like all of the things that we experience in life, what it means to be human and it's my best stuff to say I want you to flourish and kill it in life versus all the depression and anxiety and isolation and pain that we face because we don't know who we are, we don't know what we're supposed to be doing. Some of us wake up in the morning. We're like I don't know what I'm called to do. I'm useless, I don't know any, you know whatever, and it's like no, no, no, you actually have a purpose. You are desperately needed in the world and this book, hopefully, will guide you on the one.

Speaker 1:

That's good. Yeah, we got practical relationship advice here and we have practical life advice coming out.

Speaker 3:

That's wonderful yeah.

Speaker 1:

Mark and any other final thoughts, comments, suggestions or encouragement, that's good.

Speaker 2:

No, I think that. I think that you know, as we talked about earlier, serving the person that you're in the relationship with, putting their priorities above your own, is going to be the way both they flourish and you feel joy and satisfaction in life. So that's a great principle.

Speaker 3:

Just looking for those little everyday moments to pour into that person. Again, it doesn't have to be the it's, not in the big things. It's how are you speaking to your spouse, how are you showing up for your spouse, how are you being, like, going back to that um, always be the other person's biggest cheerleader. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent, without a doubt. We should never question that. So if that's not something that you've been comfortable with, that's a place to start is every day. Think of what can I say that's encouraging to my spouse today. Just pick one thing. Pick one thing, write it. If you're not even comfortable, start writing it in a text. Send a text and just be like hey, I appreciate it could be the most basic thing. I appreciate that you took out the trash yesterday.

Speaker 1:

Thank you.

Speaker 3:

And that could be their job, that could be their thing, that in your house you know they take out the job every week, but acknowledging like hey, I see you, and that will go a long way and it'll get like that, just kind of pop up.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 3:

Yep, I got the trash.

Speaker 1:

I got that.

Speaker 3:

And so taking those little moments goes a super long way.

Speaker 1:

That's so good you don't have to do everything, but do something right. Do something every single day, that's good.

Speaker 3:

Every single day.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you guys so much for being on the podcast. Thanks for having us. It's such a pleasure. And there you have it, guys. Thanks again for joining us on another episode of the Other Six Days podcast. Be sure to hit that subscribe, follow, share and like.