The Other 6 Days
As the church, we spend most of our thought, time and effort working towards our weekend gatherings; with the majority of our lives being lived outside of Sundays. The Other 6 Days Podcast is designed to help us be more intentional about the ways we can "show up" for the gospel the other 6 days of the week.
The Other 6 Days
A Mental Health Check | The Other 6 Days | Episode 51
In this episode, we get to know the Southwest Counseling Center Director, Rachelle Roberts, and hear some of her story, experience & God's calling on her life to Southwest Church. We celebrate some of the current updates & progress being made through our Southwest Counseling Center as well as discuss some of her excitement & future concerns for the current state of mental health. We wrap up the podcast discovering some of the possible ways we can partner practically & through prayer as well as additional helpful information, resources & takeaways.
For more information or to join the conversation, head over to https://southwestchurch.com/theother6days or email us at theother6days@southwestchurch.com
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SHOW NOTES & RESOURCES:
- The Southwest Counseling Center Information - Call (760) 200-2000 & ask for our Counseling Center or email counseling@southwestchurch.com
- Reach out today for a 15 min. free phone consult.
For more information or to join the conversation, head over to https://southwestchurch.com/theother6days or email us at theother6days@southwestchurch.com
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Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Other Six Days podcast, where we chat about life outside of Sundays and what it means to live from our gatherings, and not just for them. I'm your host, CJ McFadden, and I'm here today with Rachelle Roberts, the director of our very own Southwest Counseling Center. Rachelle is a licensed marriage and family therapist with extensive education and experience in the area of mental health and wellness of the mind, body and spirit. Today we get the privilege to hear some of her story, her experience and her expertise as we engage in a conversation about both exciting and concerning aspects of the current state of mental health in our world. But before we get to that, today, Rochelle, do you mind if we play a quick little game? We're calling TheraPhrase or Scripture.
Speaker 2:Oh, let's do it. Let's do it, all right.
Speaker 1:Here we go. We'll see what we got. I'm going to read off a couple of statements and then you're going to decide if they're Scripture, therapy cliche or motivational quote, or as we call here in the Christian world, christianese.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:First one. Here we go, not facts oh, that's a therapy phrase.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I use it all the time.
Speaker 1:Of course I expect nothing less.
Speaker 2:God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Oh, that's a Christian phrase, christianese. You nailed it. Yeah, christianese.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. The truth will set you free.
Speaker 2:Well, that's in the Bible, but it's also a Christian phrase.
Speaker 1:That's so good you, okay, I honestly, I can't believe you got both on that one. Yeah, it's an on. It says every therapist office poster, but also John 832. Very good, you are enough, that's a therapy phrase, oh man Right, okay, you're batting 100% right now. I like that. A baton 100% right now. I like that. They call it coffee mug wisdom.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, god won't give you more than you can handle.
Speaker 2:That's a Christianese.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you're very good. Okay, based on 1 Corinthians, 10, 13, but misquoted, right Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there we go Right. What you're not changing, you're choosing. That's therapy. Oh, wow, okay, I'm impressed. Honestly, before destruction, a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. Oh, that's scripture. Oh, proverbs 18, 12. Man, you are good. Okay, we got a few more here. It's okay to not be okay. Therapy, oh, okay, I don't know what I expected You're doing so well, this is awesome. Take every thought. Captive Scripture, scripture, second Corinthians. All right, a few more. Follow your heart.
Speaker 1:That is wrong on all accounts and she is right on all accounts. The body keeps the score, oh that's therapy phrase.
Speaker 2:Oh man, you're good.
Speaker 1:Okay, if you want to go fast? Oh man, you're good. Okay. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that's necessarily truth, yeah, but I would say it was. You know what? It's probably just a Christianese or therapy phrase, but I don't know if it's biblical.
Speaker 1:That is so good. It's an African proverb, oh yeah, and I love that you analyzed the quote.
Speaker 2:Why wouldn't I? I'm a therapist, I know.
Speaker 1:That's so good. A gentle answer turns away anger, but harsh words stir up wrath. A scripture All right, proverbs 15, one, that's it. You go 100% Good Game over. I honestly thought you'd at least have to stumble or think about one, and so I'm already impressed. Well so, rochelle, could you share a little bit, maybe share some of your backstory vocation calling how you landed here at Southwest Counseling Center? Just give us a flower.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know this is kind of a unique story. My dad was a pastor and my parents pastors churches and I was my dad's janitor for the church at age 16 years old. And one night when it was my job to lock up the church with him and drive him home from service on Sunday night and one service, my dad got into the car with me and I was driving home and I said, dad, you know, what I noticed is that the same people go up and be prayed for all the time and nothing changes.
Speaker 2:I said what's going on with that? And he says well, what do you think? I said I don't know. And he says then it's your job to find out what it is. And at that moment I started to become very interested in human behavior and psychology at 16 years old, and then I slowly went into the field of psychology through education and ended up working in prisons and jails and prisons and jails and prisons. And that's how I started working with anger management and also couples in crisis, because reunifying the person that has been incarcerated with their family.
Speaker 1:There was a lot of conflict, and so I developed that skill and started to get so interested in couples and the dynamic to where that's really what I specialize in is, as couples that are in crisis and need help. Yeah, oh, that's so great. I did not know it started in a prison, that's so. How old were you when that was Like when you started to do that?
Speaker 2:Started to that, oh, you know, a long time ago, because if I say, it's like 20 years ago, okay, Okay.
Speaker 1:Perfect, got it.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, you're gonna make me give my age out years ago. Okay Okay, perfect, got it, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, thank you. You're going to make me give my age out. No, I wasn't looking for that, I just thought it was right If you said 16, I was like wow that's really no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I wasn't. I wasn't that smart. I wasn't looking for you to share anything you didn't want to.
Speaker 1:Thank you, that's funny. And so how'd you land here at Southwest? Tell us a little.
Speaker 2:You know, I was doing a private practice and also traveling nationally and internationally doing work integrating biblical principles and Holy Spirit, that God was going to be shifting my life. And by the time I landed, this opportunity was brought to me to work here and I sent my resume and just within a day I was having an interview. Matter of fact, it was just a couple hours. I got called and we started the process and there was the peace of God throughout the whole process that I knew that this is where God wanted me to be, and I didn't look back, even though I missed the travel. I loved going in those adventures. But, man, I feel the peace of God here doing this now.
Speaker 1:It was a good fit. It was a good fit. It is a good fit. Oh, that's great. You got to travel a whole bunch before. I did so you've seen all over the world.
Speaker 2:I've seen many things.
Speaker 1:Do you think that that adds a lot to what you bring to the table as far as what you've seen in mental health across the globe and things like that in different areas?
Speaker 2:Yes, and I'm finding that you know there's globally, we have issues with mental health that we need to start addressing, especially the church. Yeah, we need to be an avenue of healing for them in this area.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and that's why we do what we do here and that's why you're here. I love that. Yeah, oh, that's so awesome. Do you see that? As far as mental health, I know I'm off script a little bit, but mental health obviously it's. Obviously it looks different in different places right. Like Western, we're dealing with some different contexts and things than other places, right? Yes, right.
Speaker 2:It does look different and mental health services are not as available here in other countries as it is here. We have it much more available here and the countries that I went to having social services and mental health services are not thought of. So the church is now picking that up and saying we are going to offer some mental health work for our people there, because it's not offered through government agencies or for social agencies in many of the countries that I have been in.
Speaker 1:That could actually be. That's a beautiful thing, yeah, because you see, like you're saying, you can see that healing start at the church level, and that's where it needs to start. Anyway, yeah, oh, that's beautiful, oh, that's cool. Thanks for sharing that. Well, I'd love if you could provide some of the current updates and celebrations you guys have experienced with the Southwest Counseling Center recently.
Speaker 2:I know you've shared a little bit and I'm excited for you to tell our people about it we were able to have 137 individual sessions of couples and individuals for that month and that was such a great increase.
Speaker 2:It was fantastic to see and knowing that we were reaching those people and a lot of it was word of mouth. People were getting the experience of wow, I'm feeling whole again, I feel at peace again and getting the tools they needed. So we had that great accomplishment. And then also we've been able to connect with getting insurance to where we are now connected as an insurance provider for four major insurance companies and that was a challenge but we got it done and that was encouraging because it helps us to offer more into our community and that was what was important. What I'm really excited about is this is that we are now credentialed with Loma Linda University to have students come in marriage family therapy students start in spring 2026. Oh really, to where we are going to be able to have students here learning the techniques of integration of psychology and Christian faith, which it is so exciting. And these students are excited because they're already contacting and saying, wow, I want a spot, I want a spot.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that's so awesome, and of course, they'll take that back to where they go. So now this is an opportunity for it to go out right. It's going to expand and that's the whole thing, because it's unique.
Speaker 2:It's not offered everywhere, so I've never heard of that before yeah. So this is going to be fantastic and I'm excited.
Speaker 1:That's cool. Yeah, oh, so exciting. I'm excited too. Any other stats you want to share? As far as, like some other stuff that you've seen I know there was a few things on there as far as who you, some demographics you were researching.
Speaker 2:You know what is? What is so great CJ is that we're we're reaching the demographics of the Choquilla what is the name of it?
Speaker 1:Coachella.
Speaker 2:Coachella Valley. We're reaching those demographics and that's what's fantastic is it's not just about the people that attend Southwest Church, it is about everyone in our community as well, as we actually see clients that are not even from our valley, that they are from Northern California, and they heard about us and we see them. Telehealth, oh, telehealth, yes, so the word is getting out through friends and family. So we're reaching and not just Christian people. We have people of all different faiths or with no faith at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And seeing it start to become a curiosity to them as they start to attend therapy and get healing and they become more curious about Jesus Christ and the faith, and that's what's beautiful.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so awesome, you see that then there's definitely like an open door or kind of a softening to the gospel potentially. I mean, I know that would obviously be something you guys would, but that approach probably looks a little bit different, maybe for some of you?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, you know what you do. Is you at the first of a session? You offer?
Speaker 1:would you like prayer to be a part of?
Speaker 2:this what does you know your?
Speaker 1:faith look like Things like that.
Speaker 2:And if they say no, absolutely not. Most times by the end of the third session they're saying you know what? I think I'd like prayer. And you say, oh, think I'd like prayer. And you say, oh, I'd love to pray with you. And what I learned and this came from working in prisons and for the State Department and working for the county, where we could not share that, we could not say that, and so I realized that my presence alone was Jesus to them.
Speaker 1:Got it.
Speaker 2:And so it was that healing. So I didn't have to say anything, I just had to be it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then healing came. Yeah, and that's what we're experiencing here.
Speaker 1:That's so cool A ministry of presence and then you watch the Holy Spirit do its work.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's right, and it's important to know that sometimes our words get in the way of what God wants to do.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness, so many times that I've had to step back and say I think my words are getting in the way at this moment I need to just be quiet, saying nothing is actually a ministry of presence. I'm just going to be here for you?
Speaker 2:Yes, yep.
Speaker 1:Actually my wife would say that too probably.
Speaker 2:You guys can come into counseling anytime, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm careful what I share here, because I don't want no, I'm just kidding. Oh no, actually we'll speak to that a little bit. I'm all about tune-ups and check-ins and I love. I love therapy for it, and it is actually.
Speaker 1:It saved our marriage so that's one of those things, but we'll get into that. Um. So what are some of the things that you're seeing in culture right now that you feel are a cause for concern as well, as? We'll talk about some potential, excitement and opportunities, but first, like maybe some concern areas that you're like this is an uptick here, or you know, yes.
Speaker 2:You know, I am seeing something that has been quite disturbing, that I'm seeing within our children and our teenagers, and it has to do with them getting quickly out of their window of tolerance. And which a window of tolerance is just, it's a psychological phrase that means that if we have a large window, we're able to see ourself and others in the world in a better perspective. But when our window of tolerance shrinks, it becomes narrowed and then we have limited sight into those things. And what it does is it causes us to get out of our window of tolerance in hyperarousal, which is fight and flight. So there's anger, there's irritation, quickly, temper tantrums, fighting, or they go into hypoarousal, which is depression, isolation, retreat, retreating, go to the fight mode instead of having a wider window of tolerance to where they can see what is happening and you can then reason with them, because they're not in the fight, flight and freeze mode, which is due to the triggers that are happening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I could see. Oh, I could definitely see that what would you say is some of the would I mean, maybe it's your guess or your observation as to what might be bringing about a little bit more of an uptick in those arenas.
Speaker 2:Well, I do believe that social media is playing a high role in this, a key factor. We are now becoming a society where our children and our teenagers are being influenced by things. Instead of being influenced by us, they're being influenced by, you know, social media influencers. They're being influenced by even video games, and so that influence is taking them away from relationships, and we know that building a strong window of tolerance is you have to have engagement with people. That's how it develops. So the more that they are engaging with a media presence, they are becoming discontented in their life. They are quickly angered because of what they are seeing, and then they do not have self-soothe and to get them back into the window of tolerance and that's when we see this havoc start to happen with our children and with our teens, and the thing that helps most is to start engaging with them again. That's why I'm big on having an unplugged night with the family.
Speaker 2:Just unplug everything, no TV, nothing. You guys do a board game. You can quickly assess who's having a hard time with their window of tolerance when you're doing a board game together A board game.
Speaker 1:I'll bring that up, depending on which board game you're playing. I've seen that in my family. I'm like whoa, whoa, how did we get here?
Speaker 2:And it's a good time to practice that with them and then eye contact is so good with it, because what we have to do is create attachment again with them. We find that persons with an insecure or anxious attachment have a problem with getting out of their window of tolerance quickly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, that's really profound. I'm sitting there thinking. I'm thinking about my kids, as you're saying this and then I'm like actually I think I modeled that for them. I'm like it's kind of convicting.
Speaker 2:I'm taking this in, as you're sharing with our audience.
Speaker 1:So no, thank you. Yeah, as being a pastor who spends the majority of my time within the digital space, I have great hope for some of the ways that people can use technology. Obviously, I just you know, I assume positive intent and I'm trying to, you know, think about all the ways that we could utilize it for kingdom purposes, but I also have great concerns for how it can be abused. Like you, just said social media, digital addictions, video games and all that, and I'm seeing this extended adolescence with younger men and you know, all of these types of things that I'm like man.
Speaker 1:these are indicative of what the digital space is doing and we sometimes we don't even necessarily know that it's doing it to us Right. And so, yeah, a little bit of a wrestling there, with some of what I'm seeing.
Speaker 2:I'm like man I love the space, but I'm also a little bit nervous about what the future of this is doing with isolation and things like that, and that's why it's so important, as as as caregivers and parents, that we take control over it and and we will know, if there is a problem that they're that they are having with it is if they become agitated and out of their window of tolerance when we take their phone away, yeah, and then we say oh this is a problem.
Speaker 2:It's got a hold and that's when you say, hey, let's just take a walk, let's go for a walk and talk about this and and get them to see that it's about relationships not about the phone, not about being on YouTube, but it's about relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, because I've heard a lot of people talking about dopamine hits with social media and the digital content and all that, and so we do get a fix from that a little bit. And so when you go to have a regular conversation, sometimes you're like this is awkward, boring, uncomfortable even. You know all the feelings and you're like, well, I'd rather retreat and not feel these things and just engage with this thing I can control right.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, yeah, because it is awkward when we're having conversations, but that is what grows us as a person. Yeah, 100% lazy thinkers, lazy in relationships yeah, when we are just um having a one-sided, uh view of life which is watching something and being a spectator, yeah, but when we're in a relationship, it takes work. It's a heavy lift sometime, yeah, to keep a conversation going and keep a relationship going, um, and, and that's the truth we say that all the time.
Speaker 1:after like long days of conversation and stuff, we're like man, that felt like a lot of work. You feel drained almost from the conversation, oh yeah. But yeah, you're working a muscle, especially if you don't work at that often, right?
Speaker 2:That's right. That's why usually after I'm done with long day of therapy sessions or speaking engagements and things, I go home and I just stare at a blank wall and I think, oh my gosh, I can't believe I just made it through that because I'm an introvert by nature. And so because people could be draining.
Speaker 1:But it also increases my ability to love people where they're at, To relate, to have compassion, to do all the things right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as well as to instantly diagnose Like what? I'm doing with you right now.
Speaker 1:Oh no, don't say that we're going to cut that out, guys. No, I'm just kidding. So what are some of the things then that you'd say, uh, some potential excitement, maybe opportunities, maybe some areas of growth. You're like, hey, I'm excited about this.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm excited about yeah is that we are seeing an uptick of men seeking out mental health services. We have and it is fantastic to see because my experience so, so I'm starting 20 years ago seeing that most men would not call for help in that way, or their wife would call and threaten them, saying if you don't come, it's over.
Speaker 2:And so they're kicking and screaming all the way. Now we're seeing men coming into therapy for counseling and for their individual selves and they are doing it on their own free will saying I need this. And what I love is that there's a shift now of seeing that seeking out help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of wisdom.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good, I'm going to steal that, one Steal it. Oh, that's so good. Oh, man, that's such good language that you use there, because I wrote down this. This is the idea that we regularly maintain the things that matter the most, and I believe as Christian men and stuff, when we do that, there's a value statement to my family when I say, hey, things are kind of a little out of balance here and so I'm going to take the initiative to step into something like that.
Speaker 1:And you know, and honestly, I saw, even when I was with the willingness to step into that, even as a pastor at Southwest, to go to counseling with my wife and really engage and be present and to take initiative there, like she was like wow, you really, you value this, like we're going to fight for this relationship, like we're going to, we're going to put in the work that we need to do. And so so it was just kind of cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this actually works, it does, it does work, it does work. And you know what it's so wonderful and the couples that I'm working with, I love that I'm able to teach them, especially my Christian couples, teach them how to be a servant leader and a surrendered bride. It's a beautiful thing because that's what it is. It's about marriage, the number one, and if we're having destructive marriages, then we are not having access to that witness to the world of how Jesus loves the church.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's good, good word. So what are some of the ways that people can partner with the Southwest Counseling Center practically and specifically through prayer? You know things like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what we do need prayer, because you know what we deal with is. It can be very intense at times, can be very draining on our staff and on the surroundings and in our field there's a high turnover right. And so praying for our counseling center and our counselors that we would be restored every day with how we give out and how we're able to be restored through that and then also share where we're at and who we are and what we do, because the more people we can reach I know that Pastor Natalie always asks what do we want to? You know, want the board to pray over, and I always say we want more. We want more, more people, because we have so much need in this valley and in California in general. We have so much need for mental health, wholeness there and then being able to lead them towards Jesus Christ, because that is what it's really about is allowing them to heal some pain so that they can let it go and so they can grow and find Jesus.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good. I love, yeah, the mental health. What did you say? Mind, body and spirit? Yes, Wholeness, the wholeness, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know that treatment of wholeness. For years we dealt with only the mind and the body and so branching out and saying, no, no, it's about the whole man, the whole person, mind, body and spirit. That we can't just treat the mind and just ignore what's going on in their body or in their spirit, that we have to treat all of it because that's how God created us as mind, body and spirit.
Speaker 1:Well, and I love, and I'm getting in way over my pay grade here, but you could, I know you most people or how do I say this? You? They come into kind of healing ailment.
Speaker 1:They're like, hey, my, my marriage isn't working or I'm struggling with anger or I've got, you know, whatever the issue is and they can't focus on the other things that need to take place in their life. Maybe they're not even ready for the spiritual component yet. So you guys work on that, but, like you said, then it ushers in an opportunity then for the holistic approach. Right yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, when people come into therapy, they're coming in with this pain, this pain that has just circled their whole life, and all they can see is this pain. Everything that is filtered through is this pain. And what we do is we say, okay, we're not here to get rid of the pain, because, see, that's what drugs does. Get rid of the pain. I'm going to use drugs, I'm going to use alcohol, I'm going to use relationships. That's when we go into marriage one, two, three, four, et cetera. We're going to do all this to get rid of the pain. But what we do in therapy is try to heal the process so that they can increase their life, and then introducing them to Jesus Christ, when he says you know, the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that you might have life to the fullest, and that's what it is. And then the pain doesn't go away, it just appears smaller. And then God says I'm going to use that pain for a purpose. Man, you're good, god's good.
Speaker 1:Well, as always, we hope that our conversations are engaging here, but we want to provide people with helpful resources. What are some resources that you'd like to point people to that they might find helpful or beneficial?
Speaker 2:You know what, on our website, southwest, or it's swcounselingentercom there are numerous resources there. There's on identifying anxiety, depression, eating disorders, what not to do in your marriage when infidelity has happened. That resource is there. There's numerous resources that I would love for as many people as possible to have access to that, because it's a good resource, and then also contact the Counseling Center.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Contact us through, say, the number is 760-200-2000. Yeah, and just ask for the Counseling Center and get connected to having the help that you need so that you can expand your life and your window of tolerance.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. That's so hype. What was your hypo and hyper right?
Speaker 2:Hypo.
Speaker 1:Because I never really thought about the retreat piece. So I knew about the anger component for hyper, but hypo was I was like oh that's very helpful. Language Also, too. You guys reach out Everyone. You heard Rochelle mention that.
Speaker 2:But also you guys do offer a free consultation right on there just to kind of see you know, maybe get a gauge of where they're at. Yeah, they can actually. On our website they can schedule a 15-minute phone consult with a therapist and talk about what you're looking for in therapy, and then we can better assess which counselor is best for you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and if you're here in California, like Rochelle said, it's telehealth too as well. Yes so you don't have to be local.
Speaker 2:That's right yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then also too, if you're out of state and you happen to be listening to this, you can always contact the church and we can try to figure out some ways to connect you with local resources, potentially, yes, or give you even just some direction on maybe some assistance and ways that we can help.
Speaker 2:We'll do what we can. That's right we're here for you.
Speaker 1:We can Absolutely so, rochelle. Any last comments, thoughts or encouragements before we wrap this thing up.
Speaker 2:I love this is that we are giving this community, this church, this state and the world an opportunity to say I need something more so that I can find more of Jesus. And that is what it's all about. It's just not about mental health, it's just not about physical health. It's about, like Pastor Ricky says, having as many people in heaven with us. And that's what it's about, and I just thank for this opportunity. This has been so much fun, I know I agree. This has been really fun.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yeah, thank you, and I was dreading it, like the dentist I know and you just made it so easy.
Speaker 1:Prior to this, she compared it to the dentist.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh, I hope it's not that bad because I'm not a fan of the dentist, but I'm a fan of this podcast it. And there you have it, guys. So we want to thank you again for joining us on another episode of the Other Six Days podcast. Be sure to hit that subscribe, follow, share and like, spread the word and, as always, take what you've heard here and turn it into something you can do to further the gospel in the world around you. Until next time.