The Other 6 Days
As the church, we spend most of our thought, time and effort working towards our weekend gatherings; with the majority of our lives being lived outside of Sundays. The Other 6 Days Podcast is designed to help us be more intentional about the ways we can "show up" for the gospel the other 6 days of the week.
The Other 6 Days
Overcomers: Shining Bright | The Other 6 Days | Episode 56
In this deeply moving episode, we are joined by special guest, Matt Diehl, as we begin our first in a series of podcasts about individuals & their stories in overcoming great odds in life. Matt shares his family's powerful story of faith, loss & legacy and how they continue to find the strength to overcome through unimaginable grief and to carry on through one of life's toughest situations & circumstances. We pray this story inspires courage, compassion, and hope in your own journey & that his story might inspire your story and ultimately, bring God all the glory!
INFORMATION & RESOURCES:
- To learn more or to help support The Elisha Project, visit theelishaprojectc4k.com
- Grief Care & Counseling services - https://southwestchurch.com/get-involved/recovery-care/
For more information or to join the conversation, head over to https://southwestchurch.com/theother6days or email us at theother6days@southwestchurch.com
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Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the other six days podcast, where we chat about life outside of Sundays and what it means to live from our gatherings, and not just for them. I'm your host, cj McFadden, and we're joined today by a remarkable man husband, father, school administrator and fellow follower of Jesus, matt Dale. Matt right, deal, deal, deal. Yeah, that's the deal right. Matt's here to share about this family's powerful story of faith, loss and legacy, and how their family carries forward through both the heartbreak and hope. So disclaimer before we begin today and introduce Matt. But I do want to acknowledge that this episode involves conversation around the loss of a child. So if you're currently walking through a season of grief or have loved someone through loss, this episode is for you. But we also want to be sensitive that some of you are in a season where you might not be ready to go there yet, and so there is a heaviness in today's story, but our prayer is that it would ultimately offer help and hope today. So, matt, what do you have to add?
Speaker 2:Nothing that was great, except for the for the deal Is that the whole podcast, right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there you have it. No thanks for being here, today. We really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so me and Matt have just recently gotten to know each other, and I followed his story a little bit, and so we'll talk about that today on the episode. But before we get kicked off into the story and everything that, I think what do you say we do? The most powerful and impactful thing I think that we can offer today, and that's to kick this off with prayer.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you want to do you want to pray, or you want me to go? Yeah, I can pray. Yeah, let's do that, yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, heavenly Father, we just thank you and praise you for this day. God is the day you have made and we can be thankful and grateful throughout the day because of relationship with you through Jesus Christ. So, lord, god, we just pray that this podcast and everything that goes on behind the scenes, it's such an amazing production here at Southwest. We pray that it would really glorify and honor you, because you are worthy of our praise, and we thank you, we praise you. It's in your name, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, thanks, matt. So, matt, why don't you start by giving us a little background? Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you? Why are you on the podcast today?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's great. So my wife and I my wife is Erica and she's a kindergarten teacher at DCA.
Speaker 2:My wife is Erica and she's a kindergarten teacher at DCA. We ended up moving here two years ago the Scots who run the school at Desert Christian Academy. They just graciously offered me a position to be director of advancement and then maybe it was two months later an opening became available for Erica, who's been a kindergarten teacher for a long time, and so the three of us my wife Erica and myself and our son Elisha we ended up moving down here and being part of the Desert Christian Academy community.
Speaker 1:Yep Family, yeah, the family community, yep Family, family, familia, yep, did they originally offer? Uh, it started with Erica, right, and then was the position open for you or you found one.
Speaker 2:No, it started with me Um so they they've had a vision for a long time to grow the school and they had heard about what I had been doing up in Sacramento. So, uh, they ended up hiring me and then a position eventually became available for Erica. So it turned out that at the beginning of the school year uh, we were all three at the school.
Speaker 1:It was really neat. Yeah, oh, wow, and so, um, yeah, desert, uh, so you're administrative or desert Christian and uh, what are some hobbies that you might enjoy, that we might enjoy having common there?
Speaker 2:Well, golf for sure, and you're good at golf we got to be honest on the podcast right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we do.
Speaker 2:So you're good at golf and I am learning how to be good, maybe down the road.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're an aspiring golfer, I'm an aspiring golfer at best. I love it. Yeah, we just got to know each other out on the golf course and it was a real sweet. We had a great time. Yeah, what a good day. Huh, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the Lord, the Lord, uh, bless us with some good, good laughter, good shots. Yeah, it was fun, it was really fun. What's, uh, what's one of? She could be anywhere, especially during these hot days in the summer.
Speaker 1:She'd be in Carlsbad at the beach, and I would too, yeah absolutely. Yeah, we love it down in Carlsbad. We're actually probably headed down there this next weekend. So yeah, I love it. It's always so nice that we're only a couple hours from the beach, right.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Little beach trips. Yeah, that's cool from the beach, right? Oh yeah, little beach trips, yeah yeah, that's cool. Well, so you're here today. We're going to share a little bit about, uh, your story and just kind of some of the stuff that you've experienced, you and Erica and, um, why don't you share a little bit about, uh, your son Elijah? Um, you know about what I mean, especially your relationship, his life, hopes, dreams, aspirations, kind of a little bit in the backstory there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right. So, um, my wife, I should probably start with, uh, my wife and I.
Speaker 2:We ended up meeting each other in college and so we, we got married our senior year of college and just, uh, you know, just super blessed. Um, you know, early in our marriage we ended up unfortunately having a miscarriage, and you know. But we, you know, just put our faith in the Lord and we knew that, hey, the Lord's going to bless us, you know, in due time with some kids and, for whatever reason, it ended up taking about eight years for us to, you know, get pregnant again yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was with Elisha, yeah, and so you know, from day one, it was just, you know, it was just one of those amazing kind of aspects where we really felt like our life was charmed to a degree, you know, just super blessed, um, fulfilled and uh and yeah. So he you know, you hear about kids that have all sorts of challenges or issues and he was like the easiest baby. He would fall asleep so easy. He'd wake up in a good mood.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, and, and we would get all the kudos for, like, you are such a great parent and he just happened to be like the best kid ever.
Speaker 2:Um and so, as he got older, I think he was four when he went down, uh, to the front and he asked Jesus into his heart. And that was right around the time. Well, when he turned five, he ended up starting to play basketball, baseball, soccer, just all things sports. And then fast forward to here in the desert. He ended up deciding hey, baseball is my sport. He was a left-handed pitcher, oh wow. And so he played in the ZT program and Romero Estrada, who's the dad of Jeremiah Estrada who plays for the Padres was his uh uh coach.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, so, pedigree, they're training him and that's pretty cool cool yeah, so he's a sports fanatic, so baseball fanatic yeah oh yeah yeah, oh, wow, um yeah. So and tell us a little bit about him, like what was he known for, like his personality and just like you know, I mean yeah, really laid back with people in a social setting.
Speaker 2:He was really collected so he could get along with just about anybody and I can recall so many different family gatherings where, oh, my wife's Hispanic, so her family's massive and so a normal dinner would be like 35, 40 people and there would always be a time or two where he would, you know, in that gathering he would sit with a cousin and who might be having a bad day, who might be quiet and a little down, and he would sit with them and just make them feel good by just being there, not really talking too, much, but just recognizing that they're there and they're having a hard time and he would just be there for them.
Speaker 2:And so you know, we we've heard so many different stories, uh, in the last year, of of kids who just felt like he did that for them. Um, so it was more in the quiet approach, not not so much in the extrovert approach. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Although he was a ham, he could the extrovert approach. Yeah, although he was a ham, he could he. He ended up memorizing probably 80 of a hundred dad jokes out of this dad joke book. Really, and so you know if we were on a long road trip, he, he had to tell us 20 or 30 dad jokes. Yeah. And what was funny is Erica and I, we would just find ourselves laughing and and just ourselves laughing and just having a fun time.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so awesome, he could do that too. Yeah, oh, that's so great, I love it. So sense of humor, a little ministry of presence. I for sure thought he would be an extrovert, but you were saying like, yeah, it was a little more. You know, like could be, could turn it on when you needed to right, he could turn it on, but that wasn't really his sweet spot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so cool, that's sweet. Well, so tell us, uh, for everybody going, you know what are you talking about. Where are you going with us? Uh, would you can you share a little bit about where? Uh, where are we at? What happened there?
Speaker 2:Yeah, a hundred percent. Um, and thank you for even having me on. I mean, this is, uh, you know something that's not the easiest thing for a parent who loses a child to, to, to just even talk about so um but for whatever reason, I think the Lord could use this to maybe help people who you know have.
Speaker 2:tragedy that that that that ended up getting a fever. He woke up with a fever on a Thursday. He ended up, you know, feeling so sick. We ended up taking him into urgent care. He was released from urgent care. They said, oh, he'll be fine, he might have a virus. For emergency care, they said, oh, he'll be fine, he he might have a virus. Um the next morning, a Friday morning, when he woke up he had a fever of about 105. We rushed him Um. I left work. We rushed him into emergency Um. After they had run all their tests and done all they could do, they said, hey, we think he has a virus he's going to be fine.
Speaker 2:Um, by that time it was maybe two, two in the afternoon. Uh, we, we took him home Um the next morning at five in the morning, um, I woke up, um, I was actually so. He was laying on our couch in our living room and I was laying on the floor, uh, sleeping on the floor next to him, um and uh. And so I woke up to some screams, uh, from my wife, who was screaming because Elijah was laying on the couch and he was in a death rattle which, if you haven't seen somebody go through that, it's, it's very similar to a seizure. So you know, immediately, I, I had her call, uh, 911, and I had 911 on my phone and I was doing CPR. So nine one uh. So the operator or the or the call center, the operator or the or the call center that person ended up walking me through CPR for nine minutes, um, and it took.
Speaker 2:It took, unfortunately, that amount of time for um first responders to come. My wife and I are so thankful, though, uh, to the first responders to the fire department in Indio that that responded, because they were incredible. They did everything they could possibly do and then they took him to JFK, and we all ended up at JFK the Fultons, tom Fulton, julie Fulton and Dave they ended up taking me, erica went in the ambulance and then, after some time at JFK, the doctor pronounced Elisha had died, and it was just devastating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you had the Fultons around you. Some other people come down and try to. I mean yeah.
Speaker 2:So the Fultons were there, the Scots ended up coming, pastor Ricky came that morning, pastors from the garden came. It was kind of like a ground zero experience where you know everything just went upside down.
Speaker 1:Fell apart. And then a community of people trying, you know, coming around, trying to, you know see what they can do and prayer and all the things Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So well, thank you for sharing that. First of all, I know that that's not easy to share and so, um, you know, for those of you listening out there, like you know, uh, stick with us, our hope we're going to, we're going to share with you where we're going and some of the hope that we can pull from this, and, um, but, um, I would love to, uh, for you to share a little bit about, um, yeah, uh, I guess you know, we know, that grief's not a journey. You know it's a journey, it's not just a moment. So where are you at now on that journey, as you reflect a little bit, cause that's how long ago now are we talking about and about as of this podcast?
Speaker 2:A year and a two and a half months.
Speaker 1:Two and a half months. Two and a half months, yeah, so you're still in that process. There's obviously haven't arrived at you know at anything, but you've learned a lot along the way. So can you tell us a little bit about you? Know what you're learning, you know what God's been doing. You know a little bit of that.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely so. So when Elisha died, uh, I personally thought, okay, life's over, you know, and if, if you've ever lost a child, you could, you could understand that. You know it really does feel like a part of you died. And I don't want to minimize, you know, loss for any anyone listening. So anyone who's gone through loss can relate to this. Um, but there's there's certain degrees, uh, of pain that you go through and and I just be honest and transparent, I was never in my mind, I was never prepared for this kind of pain.
Speaker 2:So a lot of people say that losing their child, you know, like people come up to us all the time and they go oh, we heard about your story, we're so sorry for your loss, this is how it's kind of impacted us. And then sometimes they say, hey, you know, losing a child is my worst fear, it's so scary. I never had it as a fear because I just knew in my heart that would never happen. Yeah, and what it ended up doing is left me with hardly anything other than some hope. And what the Lord's done since April 20th 2024, is he used a little bit of hope that that was left inside my heart and he started rebuilding parts of of who I was into, maybe somebody you know that could be more caring, somebody that could actually, down the road, be more empathetic, more hardworking, more compact, you know, more compassionate, more loving and more of a reflection of Jesus's heart. Because I was really left with nothing other than hope, and I can tell you what that hope was for. It was to one day go to heaven and see Jesus and see Elisha again and hug Elisha again. This is one of the things I miss the most about. Elisha is just sitting next to him, you know, just being around him, and so fast forward to where we are today.
Speaker 2:You know, I had a meeting with somebody who's even much wiser, much older than me today and I was just sharing. Hey, you know, the Lord can actually rebuild everything in your life that you think the enemy has stolen from you or that the enemy has tried to steal from you. He can rebuild it, even if it's just on hope or even if it's just on one little part of your relationship with God. God can literally restore everything and more, but it's just going to look different, and I can't even believe I'm saying that to you today or that I said that this morning. But those types of truths are real when you really go through pain and hardship, and you know you really go through pain and hardship. The other thing about God that's interesting to me is you know first off people. They go well. How do you even have a relationship with God? Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like what happened, like shouldn't God have honored your faith and your walk with him and all the things you've done for him and all the things your wife, erica, has done for the Lord. Shouldn't he have honored that? And I found myself answering that question several times with people with this answer. And that is how can I hate the God that holds me at night when no one else is around? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I can't. I can't just turn my back on the Lord when he has literally held me together and held me in His arms in even it seems like a tangible way when I'm at my lowest low, and some people maybe they haven't gone through their lowest low yet. But life is hard and eventually we're all going to go through some major challenges and I would much rather go through those challenges with the Lord than than apart from the Lord.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. Wow, that's powerful. Yeah, we know that, you know we. 1 Thessalonians 4, you know we don't. We don't grieve the same way as believers that for those who don't have hope in the hope of Jesus, and so your faith has obviously played a huge, critical role in how you've navigated this grief and loss. Right, I mean, that's what you've shared, and so, um, yeah, what does that look like? That's one of the things I was going to get to is like how people respond when they hear about this loss and stuff.
Speaker 1:One of the things um, that, uh, that I've run into, um, cause, you know, we talked about it a little bit, but I have a similar story.
Speaker 1:Um, my son was three months old when he passed away, but you're never prepared for that, right, and so you're like, well, that'll, that'll never happen.
Speaker 1:How's God still good in that moment, you know, and so, wrestling with all of those things and everyone's like, man, you lost a little child, and so, um, but a lot of people don't have the words to be able to come alongside and support you during that, and I found myself, actually, one of the first things I didn't realize is that I would have to spend a lot of my time consoling others as they tried to help empathize and show compassion for what I was going through, and so I was like man, I'm doing a lot of work to help others feel better about the situation, and so that was a real struggle for me at the beginning because I was like that was where most of my effort was, was I'm like you know, you know it's all right, don't worry. So I guess all of that to say what is some advice that you could give some people for how they can respond and show up well for people who are going through grief and loss Like what would be your kind of you know, your, your input.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no great question. I think, first off, as the person going through grief and loss, be careful to not do or be what people are or what you think people want from you or expect from you if that makes any sense. So it's OK to cry, it's OK to hurt, it's OK to laugh. It's you know, it's permitted. You know it's okay to heal.
Speaker 2:And I think, um, especially, you know, healing is something that, uh, people who, people who go through tragedy, um they they think will never happen. And then even even people who, who provide um empathy and support, a lot of times they think, oh well, this person is always going to be broken. And we are broken. I mean we're all broken.
Speaker 2:But the thing is is to just live in a broken state and to not, like you so well referred to scripture in Thessalonians like we're supposed to be running a race. You know, we're supposed to be shining the light of Jesus Christ in a dark world. So you know, it's only with God but with God we can actually see a turnaround. And so if you're helping somebody, be very careful to not project your own things on that person. Just be there with the person. And the other thing is be consistent. So there's a family their last name's Frizzell and David and Heather Frizzell and so they decided to kind of just take the risk on us and show up every single day, even to today, where you know this is. Over a year has passed and they haven't stopped checking in on us and loving us and caring for us, and that is probably not a hundred percent normal and it can even be, you know, to a degree. It could be uncomfortable, because sometimes when you're going through grief, you just want to wallow in your grief you just want to be miserable.
Speaker 2:But you need people like that, who are believers, who aren't going to just let you wallow in your grief. They're going to go, hey, you know what, in a loving way. Hey, we need to go, do something. Let's get out of the house, let's make plans, let's do something for the community, and so I think it's really important, if you're going to show love to somebody going through grief, um, just be ready to listen, be ready to be, uh, be ready to sit on the couch with them, you know, and and don't try to fix them, because you being there means the world to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a ministry of presence and that goes such a long way, and that was one of the things I learned through that, too, was like man, just people just being there with you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes there was no words that were going to help in that moment, but just having someone there with you and knowing that they're, you know, thinking about you and supporting you, listening to your story, you know, saying less and listening more, it was really a powerful thing and some of my deepest relationships were codified during those moments for people that just showed up just to sit, and so, yeah, that's really powerful and um, yeah, I think, uh to um, uh, laughter is really good medicine, right, like, and so it's kind of an awkward thing, cause, like, there was some moments where we just needed to be goofy and weird and everyone processes different, right, oh yeah, and so, and so people are like, how can you laugh? Like you know, and there is a little bit you know you don't want to shift, you know and not deal with it, but there is some moments where just you know, laughing and being goofy or just talking about you know, whatever it is that you know works for you, um, really is helpful in those moments, and so those are some of the.
Speaker 2:I mean some of the heart. The hardest laughs we've ever had, you know, or the biggest laughs, were in those moments and those are some of the sweetest times, you know. There was a lot of healing there. So a hundred percent yeah, and I'm sure you you look back and and you think of them fondly and, like you said, those are some of your deepest relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I've noticed, even just following you a little bit on social media, is that you have this idea We'll talk a little bit more about it but the legacy of Elisha and you, you, you post um as though he's here, like, and so you post a lot of these memories and there's pictures constantly coming up, but you're, you help his story to live on and you know, and I know you're, we'll get to what you're doing with all of that.
Speaker 1:But it's just so beautiful to watch you share that and these beautiful moments and to reflect on those and all of that, and I'm like man, wow, what he lives such a full life and like so, and you put that on display for the world to see, even through something as simple as social media. And so, um, and you talk a lot about those sweet moments and then usually, you know, do a little opportunity to point people to Jesus through that. But I don't know, speak to that. Is there any? Is there any? I mean, is there any thought to that or is it just something that you're just doing?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, no Um who knows, maybe my wife would say yeah, he didn't put a lot of thought to that at all. And me, yes, I definitely reflect Um. So the thing is is, you know, eight years of trying to have have a kid, 12 and a half years of having you know our boy, who I mean? It just got better and better every day. It was like, wow, like I love, love Elisha so much that you know just to go okay, well, that that book is closed or that chapter is closed in our family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it just doesn't feel right. And then I really do believe there was a point where the Lord was telling me you know he was always going to carry on your legacy and now you can carry on his legacy Wow.
Speaker 2:And then the more I, you know, was asking the Lord and I was asking my wife and others you know, people who, who speak into our lives, what does that look like it really came down to? Hey, we need to look out for the hurting and we need to help people who are in need and we need to do that in a very, you know, tangible and and and planned out way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah. I think it's such a sweet opportunity to get to, to see that play out, and I honestly am like man. Uh, you know, matt, you're doing you're redeeming social media for some of its poor qualities to see the story of your son and your family and just your journey really you know what I mean, where you've been, where you're going, and then that all kind of threaded through. So it's just really, it's really a sweet thing. So I just I was wondering about some intentionality there, but either way, it's wonderful, it's beautiful to watch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there is an intentionality, because things will pop up. You know how social media media is. It'll remind you of anniversaries, it'll remind you of important dates like birthdays, obviously, but also, you know, this is what you were doing this year at this time and instead of just going, okay, well, I guess we're not gonna yeah ever go to the beach again or we're not.
Speaker 2:You know baseball, baseball is a big part of our, our family, and and so we want to figure out ways to, like you said you actually said it great trying to redeem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, redeeming that, yeah, that's, that's beautiful. Well, so we know that many couples struggle to stay together after tragedy, and so how have you and Erica navigated this grief as husband and wife? And you know what are some some things you could share with us there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was. I didn't really think about that question last night too much, but I looked at her while she was on one couch, I was on another and I was like, wow, like she, um, you know, she is just so incredible and obviously, you know, beautiful and and you know, she's my wife and I love her, but she's also, you know, elisha's mom and and I want to do everything I can.
Speaker 2:If I'm going to carry on the legacy of a 12 and a half year old, then I want to do that by taking care of her and treating her well and being the right gosh. I'm kind of lost for words, to be honest with you, but what I'm trying to say is I want to be the man that God wants for her, and I know she feels the same way about me in our marriage, and so it's not easy, because we do grieve differently. She's an introvert, I'm an extrovert, so by sharing and expressing I'm able to actually process things. Um, and for her she's very, she can be, she, she can express really well, she's very articulate, but she, she's more um, we, we always joke she's more thoughtful, she's kind of more reserved and private, and so, um, I think we're a good balance. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so now we're starting to see how we can be a team in a different way, you know. And so as we team up, um, you know, we're able to to kind of you know, make a bigger impact than if we were on our own. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you know, I think there's a problem that happens in marriages and it can happen to any marriage. I think you know you start living the American dream of house, cars, travel, kids, all the accolades you can get with work. You start to become really important, I think in your own little sphere. And then, you know, the kids grow up and they move on and they go to college or not, but wherever they go they end up leaving the house. And then it's just you and your spouse and you know we never wanted, you know, elisha to to leave the way he did, um, but you know we, we had to decide. What are we going to do? You know, it's just the two of us. How are we going to? How are we going to be there for each other? And we're not perfect.
Speaker 2:We get in arguments Um, we have our flaws, um, you know, and, and so we have to choose to forgive each other, we have to choose to work through things, we have to choose to communicate. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's not always easy. But I think when you do that and you invest in instead of just go okay, what can I get out of the marriage but it's more along the lines of a mindset shift of okay, what can I do, that's special today for her, even if it's not materialistic stuff, it's just something thoughtful, something special. It actually it makes a marriage just a whole lot better.
Speaker 1:Yeah absolutely so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we, you know, as we're talking about couples and you know how difficult it can be during, you know, staying together during a tragedy and experiencing grief like that.
Speaker 1:You know and I mean you articulated that so well just all the aspects of how you can show up well for Erica and, um, kind of the you know, obviously the beauty of it takes two right, Obviously, and so and you said like it doesn't come with its challenges, but, um, there's just been, I know there's been some sweet areas that you could probably just share with people who you know hopefully never have to go through a situation like this. But we all encounter loss and so, at some level, how has this helped you, like honed in and focused on Erica as a person and like showing up to say, like you said it, like who could, who do I need to be, who has Christ created me to be, and how can I be a reflection of that so that Erica can grow, because the idea is that she would grow closer in relationship with Jesus, right Right Through your relationship. And so what are some like tangible, easy areas that you've seen, that you do that better now, maybe, in light of what has happened?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Great question.
Speaker 2:So one of which is because we're so different. We have different personalities, you know, introvert, extrovert. You know I'm learning to kind of just be there for her. You know, maybe just sit on the couch, go somewhere, don't have to say much, let her share with you know when and what she feels comfortable with, because a lot of times you know, as you're going through the years or the decades of marriage, you know we've been married 22 years, so you know you can start to just get focused on your own stuff and then you kind of forget to invest in the marriage or in the relationship.
Speaker 2:And so you know, a lot of times we're just trying to invest in each other through not even financial things, but just, you know, a thoughtful text message or a note or a small gesture. You know that just says hey, I'm thinking of you. You know you're on my mind. I'm praying for you. She's amazing. Like she we always joke, but I'm kind of serious, I go. She's the talent in the family because you know she'll send like a scripture verse just at the right time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, that's just so powerful. Maybe it's about renewing your mind, or you know, putting your thoughts on heavenly things, on things above, not on things of this earth, you know, and those types of things go a long way and they don't really seem like a big deal when you're doing them for your spouse but, yeah, guaranteed they're appreciated and it helps, you know, that relationship to grow stronger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, the idea that marriage is a union and it's companionship and that we're each other's biggest encouragers to support, encourage and you know, and to point them towards the hope and everything that we have in Jesus. And so you, that's such a beautiful way that you know. I love the compliment, the way that you guys compliment each other and especially like when you grieve different and you are different, finding those little moments where you guys can make those connection points and and end up growing each other Right.
Speaker 2:Well, and then also allowing yourself to, or allowing your spouse to, not be perfect. Yeah. So I think sometimes we want our spouse just to be this, you know, this perfect person that just reads our mind all the time.
Speaker 2:And you and I both know that's not reality. You know you have to communicate and you have to be good at not just forgiving but also apologizing and meaning it. You have to communicate and you have to. You have to be good at um, not just forgiving but also apologizing and meaning it, you know. So, when you make a mistake and you know you made the mistake and they're giving you the opportunity to make it right, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know that that that really takes a maturity, that you know we can only get that from the Lord. Our society, I don't believe, encourages that. It encourages you need to always be right, you need to always win, and it always feels good to win, you know what that's like in golf, like you're always winning.
Speaker 1:No, no, I'm not, but in all, seriousness.
Speaker 2:That's not what a marriage is. It's not a competition. It's supposed to be teamwork and you're you're building each other up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's great, that's perfect. Well, let's talk a little bit about um the legacy that Elisha left. You know the mission that you're on now, specifically the vision behind uh, c4k, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got it. So, um two, I believe it was two days after Elisha passed Kirk Scott was trying to help us with a few people at Eisenhower to get medical records and I was just feeling so low. I mean, think about it, you know, two days after your son passes away. And I had this moment and it was is it Driscoll? Just a little storefront. I'm sitting in front of the storefront with some friends and had this moment where there was actually employees praying for me and they could tell that, you know, there was something wrong and I was really distraught and in the moment I ended up getting this idea we need to start a nonprofit in honor of our son so that we can help those that are unfortunate. So it just felt like all of a sudden, somebody turned the lights on and we loaded up in the car and went home and you know everybody's there there's about 30 people at the house, you know, and I tell Erica and she goes.
Speaker 2:Did you know Elisha actually was creating a project? It was for a school project and he was creating this nonprofit to help kids at DCA. Yeah, I go. No, so, kirk, he rushes to the school. Wow, um, an elective class, uh, uh called C4K clothes for kids, so that kids, who never know what it's like to wear nice clothes, could actually get a quote, unquote, fit, or, or a set of clothes. Uh, that would really, you know, make an impact and just make them feel good about themselves.
Speaker 2:So we sat down and we looked at that and we created a plan called the Elisha Project C4K Christ Compassion Clothes for Kids. Oh cool. And since then we've been able to get our nonprofit, our 501c3, established, we've been able to get a website put together and we've been able to help uh right around 120, uh kids so far. Um with with his vision.
Speaker 1:That's so cool. Oh man, I love that. That's such a what a cool, what a cool little uh. I love the way you shared that too, about just feeling kind of at that low point and then you know that, uh, you know just that thought or that idea came in and God gave you that little seed of hope and then you go home and kind of just build off of that and he reveals all of this. You know that you're now kind of engaged with and again, a legacy and opportunity for what Elisha was passionate about to live on, and something so meaningful and helpful and purposeful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you. It really did start with that hope.
Speaker 1:Wow. And so, yeah, you know, and even though his, his life may have been short, like obviously through this, like his impact can continue to grow. And so I see that like that, and that's the kind of that theme I've been seeing through social media and like what you guys are doing through this nonprofit, and then even honestly, just you guys, you and Erica and your marriage, you know what we say, making it and you know, working through and showcasing the goodness of God through great loss and grief, like I mean that is like really what I see on display a lot through your story, and so it's just so profound, so moving, and so I hope it inspires and encourages a lot of people out there.
Speaker 2:I hope so too. You know, one of our greatest struggles has been one of our greatest gifts. I hope so too. You know, one of our greatest struggles has been one of our greatest gifts, and that is our family is really incredible. And I think a lot of people are like why didn't you just move back to Northern California with such an amazing family? And what I tell them is hey look, we're just so passionate about the community here in the desert. We've never met a community so loving, so caring just the friendliest people you're ever going to come across live here in the desert.
Speaker 2:But as I speak about our family, we have probably three or four of our nieces and nephews ended up getting saved or rededicated in their walk with the Lord through Elisha going to heaven. We've out, we've also, uh, witnessed probably four or five dozen young people get saved or rededicated to the Lord, um, with his passing, and so when I sit down and, and, and, I hear Erica and, and, and we talk about it. Uh, we both go. Well, why God? Why did it have to be our son? Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know why does it have to be through this? But I think what we're going to see is we're going to look back and we'll see that the Lord, he can take any tragedy and he can turn it for good. Yeah, and we don't. As humans and obviously I'm speaking from experience I don't easily do that. It's a challenge and it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of surrender to the Lord to be able to see that he can take a tragedy and turn it for good. But it's in the Bible and it's here today, so it's real and he can. He can actually take what the enemy believes is a victory. He can snatch that victory from the enemy and he can establish an eternal victory. You know that we're going to experience one day you know in heaven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, god's in the business of redeeming and reconciling everything to himself, and so that's the beauty and joy and that we get to live into and hope for Right. Yeah, yeah, I know, so it's a beautiful thing. Well, we hope that our conversations are always, you know, engaging and helpful here. But what are some resources that you'd like to point people to that they might find beneficial? Or just some you know general thoughts about, like hey, if you're going through grief or loss, you know.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think the first thing is you know when you go through grief you want to isolate and you want to just kind of.
Speaker 2:You just, it's so painful If you go through tragedy. It's so painful you just, you just kind of. Your body wants to shut down and your, your mind wants to shut down. And so stay plugged in to your community. I would hope that community means church to everybody. But stay plugged into your church. Don't quit going to church. Don't quit getting together with your friends and family. Don't quit. Just don't give up, please, and you're going to get. You know you're going to struggle with that. You know I know what it's like to feel like you know there's just nothing worth doing anymore. When you feel that way, a lot of times that's not your own thoughts, those are intrusive thoughts that you need to just you know, combat with scripture. If you're struggling to do that, please get with some people. That that you know, love you.
Speaker 2:And even if you don't want to feel the love from them, just accept it because in the long run you know it's worth it. You know the Lord wants to use everybody, even people who go through the worst thing, even broken people like me. God wants to use us to try to help other people, so don't give up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, that's a good word. Well, and if you're, and if you're going through, you know grief or loss and things like that tragedy, you know, obviously, the local church community, you know your friendships and all that stuff are huge first and foremost. But if there's deeper grief, there too look for grief support resources. You know churches like Southwest Church, the Garden of the Lord, their local churches. They offer resources that can help you with a community of people during those seasons. So we have, you know, we have grief support groups specifically for that. And then we even have deeper Christian counseling services that can help you navigate when you don't know how to process.
Speaker 1:And one of the biggest regrets I ever had during when I had lost my son was that I didn't process that grief. I just did it on my own. I pushed myself into work and found that three years later I still hadn't coped with a lot of the things. And you know that's our natural to escape our current circumstances, you know, and just not feel that. But but I wish I had processed sooner with some professional counseling and advice. That helped me kind of really get ahold of like hey, where, where are these emotions coming from? You know what I mean it's more emotional processing and so, um, that would have been helpful. They had someone told me that earlier that how beneficial that could be to seek the right counseling and make yourself go.
Speaker 2:Don't, don't allow yourself to. You know I'm definitely a fan of counseling, especially Christian counseling. Yeah. And when you're going to therapy, a lot of times you know even before you get in the car to go you want to come up with an excuse to not go yeah. But you know, it's just, it's just like anything. You know you never feel worse afterwards. You know just like going to church and you know I never met a person who goes. Well, man, that church service was so bad.
Speaker 2:I can't believe I wasted my time at that church, you know, but? But I've met a lot of people, including myself, who you know. You have to force yourself to go and then you get the benefits from it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely Well, matt. What's one thing that you hope people walk away from after hearing this episode?
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, that Jesus is real. Um, I think even you know churches today and, and you know, uh, christians today. We get so agenda driven and you know, for me, you know, I even brought my planner we're always thinking about like the things we have to get done. Yeah. But? But there's a relationship to be had with Jesus and I would not be able to have this conversation with you today if. I didn't first of all know that my son is with Jesus. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that one day I will go to him. Yeah, I'm going to do. Sorry, I'm getting a little choked up, no, no. I'm going to do projects with the Lord for eternity. Yeah, and Elisha is going to be there, and you're going to be there. Yeah, and we're going to glorify God together. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that is so incredible, and I think you know people go well. Then, what's the point of, like, everything that we're doing here on earth? Well, I think it prepares us. I think the more projects that we do to glorify the Lord, the more things that we do to make his name known in the earth. First off, they say this life is but a vapor, and I believe it now more than ever. So we're going to be able to really hone abilities here, but one day, not too far down the road, we're going to be celebrating in heaven and we're going to be doing things that really bring glory and honor to the Lord, and that's a life worth living and that's how we shine bright for God.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good man. This life is merely just a stripping away that Jesus might be our all in all Right, and so and you know, pastor Ricky says this all the time at memorial services and stuff but I really feel like it's pertinent to the situation and it's that you know. Hey, you know for my son Christopher and your son Elisha. We'll see you in the morning. So right, amen. Well, there you have it, guys. Thanks for joining us on another episode of the Other Six Days podcast. Be sure to hit that, subscribe, follow, share and like and spread the word and, as always, take what you've heard and turn it into something that you can do to share the gospel in the world around you. Until next time, peace.