The Other 6 Days

The Value of Friendship | The Other 6 Days | Episode 59

• Southwest Church • Season 3 • Episode 59

Share episode

He's back! In this episode, we are joined again by Pastor Ricky Jenkins as we catch up on some of the things he was up to during his sabbatical & time away. We then jump into a conversation surrounding friendship in the attempt to help better understand what it means to give & receive value from close life & relationship with others. 

SHOW NOTES & LINKS:
- Kenny Luck - Friendship
- Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys by Drew Hunter (https://a.co/d/fYDCbuN)
- No Greater Love: The Story of Michael Crescenz, Philadelphia's Only Medal of Honor Recipient of the Vietnam War (https://a.co/d/fWHDm8H)
 - saved the life of fellow soldiers bye laying down his own life
- The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes (https://a.co/d/cgEWUfc)
 - Friendship informed by scripture rather than pop culture & social media
- TGC Article from Christine Hoover: How to Be the Friend You’ve Always Wanted (https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/how-to-be-friend-youve-always-wanted/)

For more information or to join the conversation, head over to https://southwestchurch.com/theother6days or email us at theother6days@southwestchurch.com

FOLLOW US!

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theother6dayspodcast/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@theother6days
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@theother6days

Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the other six days podcast, where we chat about life outside of Sundays and what it means to live from our gatherings, and not just for them. I'm your host, cj McFadden, and in this episode he's back. Pastor Ricky Jenkins joins us again as we engage in a conversation surrounding friendship and discuss the give and take of doing life in relationship with others.

Speaker 2:

Every man a scene in a New York minute. What's up, bro? How?

Speaker 1:

you doing. I'm good how are you?

Speaker 2:

Good.

Speaker 3:

It's good to have you back, man.

Speaker 2:

It's good to be back. It's good to be at work.

Speaker 1:

Well, today we're jumping into a topic about friendship, but before we do, we're going to get off to some quick insights on your sabbatical and your time away a little. You know the assumptions, the expectations, the highlights and then, of course, the reality. Yeah, sure, yeah.

Speaker 2:

My first sabbatical ever three months, yeah, and man, what a summer you know, it was overall good, because God is good and God works all things for good. It wasn't a rest sabbatical. Yeah, I tell you what the strangest experience because God is good and God works all things for good it wasn't a rest sabbatical. So everybody you know was the, the, the. I tell you what the strangest experience of sabbatical is that every person who talks to me and bumps into me at Costco oh, we're just praying for brand new, fresh vision revelation and just rest for your soul. It's just like, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I have none of that.

Speaker 2:

There's a. It was just like yeah, I have none of that, it was a working sabbatical. And then obviously you know, a lot of folks that know our community know that I lost my dad over the summer. So it was what a mixed bag of good times and good memories and some real deep inroads made in the way of my research, but then, like all of a sudden, that come into a screeching halt when your dad dies and then you're going back home and you're being with family and all that kind of stuff. Yet, man, you know, uh, when they say when someone you love dies, romans 8, 28 means more to you than it did the day before and that's the truth.

Speaker 2:

all things work together for good to them. That love god, to those who are called according to his purpose. So, man, man, it's just been a mixture of a lot of deep reflection on the paper and the research which is about our pastoral residency and how we make that better, and just dreaming about man. I really want to train a thousand pastors and I really want our church to be about this and I really want to finish this PhD, this doctorate. Before you know, I shoot something and, coupled with man, my dad's gone and wow, okay, like processing that, and now both my parents are gone.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So that's been a new level of kind of reflection you know for me in April, and then the sweetness of April and the kids just really loving on their daddy and encouraging and let me, you know, sulk a little bit and and walking through that, and then the sovereignty of the lord right like man lord, you were kind to send daddy home while I'm away for three months, and not in the middle of a crazy work season and then coming back and realizing, you know, like two things.

Speaker 2:

One, the church goes on right, like this church didn't miss a beat because of you guys killing it and just the gospel's work. But then coming back and being like you know we're us right, we don't say this is a big deal because we are not, but man, seeing the love and grace from our people has been as it's a little different, right.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I know you guys love me and I love y'all, but it's just like man, I don't love me, and are you sure you're supposed?

Speaker 3:

to love me like that you know.

Speaker 2:

So, like just the, the, the sweetness, now that you know I've been in the office for three, four days now, the hugs and yeah conversations and you. That's been very humbling.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Very honoring, very humbling and, as a counselor of mine said earlier today, it just kind of reminds you that you're home, you know. So that's been what a summer.

Speaker 1:

Oh man, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, you're well. You are loved definitely by everybody, and we missed you for sure.

Speaker 2:

Missed you more yeah.

Speaker 1:

We're so glad you're back and uh, but what would you, what would you say is probably one of the more uh most memorable like parts on your uh, on your sabbatical, like anything that stands out to you, that you were just the family side and then kind of like the work, the dissertation side.

Speaker 2:

The dissertation side was probably moving from a place. I remember this one. I've been in Scottsdale all summer writing. And you know the mean, rough and tough streets of Scottsdale, Scottsdale, yeah, yeah. There was a day CJ where, like the first two, three weeks are just like can I write yeah, yeah? There was a day CJ where, like the first two, three weeks are just like can I write yeah, and am I an academic?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, kind of finally getting past the jitters of talking to my advisor and, hey, do this differently, do that, you know just getting on the other side of the like, not trying not to quit because it was so hard, to delving into research and saying this actually might help somebody, right? So I just remember a couple of moments in the research where work was completely turned off, that faucet was turned off and academia was truly turned on. And you're reading about mentorship based on writing a book on mentorship how do you train a pastor? And there was a moment where it's just like, oh yeah, we need to actually make sure this happens you know what I'm saying, so it moved from project to ministry.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know which was sweet and I really want to give my life to that you know, um, so that was. That was a pretty powerful day where you felt like you were writing for God. Yeah, if that makes any sense, god's got way better writers out there for me, but I felt like that. Uh, so that was one day. I think the other day was, uh, july 18th. My dad died in the middle of the night, Friday morning.

Speaker 2:

And we got the call and um cried a couple hours middle of the night, went back to sleep, got up early the next morning because I just didn't want to be a wreck when the kids were waking up, so I went downstairs.

Speaker 2:

We're on the San Diego pier, so I'm just walking up and down the pier calling buddies, calling family members, we're just getting stuff together and a couple hours later April wakes up the kids and they're just walking around and I'm going to catch them and that's the moment where we're going to tell our kids that their granddaddy died. And so we all meet and, you know, we gather and we just share, you know, and tell them the news and of course they're just stunned. You know, they weren't as close to my dad, they know, obviously, who their granddaddy is. But my 11-year-old Camden, who's got a big old heart, um, as I tell him that my tears are coming, and when he saw my tears, he started shedding his tears and he was crying for his daddy. Yeah, and that was a really um wonderful moment to have with the kiddos and just to to go through some life.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, together, yeah as a family, yeah, so as weird as.

Speaker 2:

I mean it sounds like crazy highlights from a summer right there there is. You know it wasn't all inclusive and it wasn't it wasn't the massage on the beach, it wasn't that kind of summer, um, but it was still a good summer and all that. All things work together for good to them that love God.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh well, again, yeah, we're glad to have you back and we're glad to get moving on more of these podcasts and to jump into our topic for today. We're talking about actually segue into that. We're jumping into friendship, yeah, so the value of friendship.

Speaker 2:

That's what we're talking about. But first, so let's hit on some of the practical joys, the highlights and benefits of doing life with friends. What does that look like practically? Yeah, I think practically it is. You know, when we're healthy, the most natural byproduct of physical, emotional, spiritual, mental health is friendship, partnership, companionship, partnership, companionship, community. And so health does not begat another virtue, we think it does. Culture teaches it that way, right? So if I'm healthy, I can make more money. If I'm healthy, I can do something on my bucket list, if I'm healthy, I can teach this course and all those sort of things are personal achievement, and the natural byproduct of being in rhythm with God, rhythm with with, with yourself, and rhythm with emotional, healthy, physical state of wellbeing, is that I can delve that much more deeply, deeply and whole, wholesomely into relationships. Oh yeah, and so I think you know this kind of comports with this notion, obviously, that we must've been made for it. Maybe that was the the end game for creation. The end game for creation was not to simply, um, create more, cultivate, right. When the Lord said that we would have dominion, uh, when he said it was all good, it was when he paired adam with something more than himself yeah someone he could connect to and enjoy and cultivate and have dominion over what god had created, and so even theologically in by design yeah

Speaker 2:

what god was dreaming for us was not to have a relationship as a boon to other things, but was to have other things as a boon to relationship. So it's the end, all be all. Ricky, give me more Bible. I'm glad you asked we get to heaven. He does away with marriage so we can all be friends forever. So when it will be perfect, it will be a whole bunch of billions of friends doing life and eternity together in the fellowship of their savior. So I think what it looks like. I think if you don't understand what it looks like theologically, you'll won't care what it looks like practically.

Speaker 2:

But this is why we have a podcast so we can talk about theology the other six days. How about that? That just happened. So, yeah, I think naturally from 40 000 foot view first and then come down right to where we are. I like that, but whoever's listening? I think the point is this no matter where you are with friendships, right now and relationships right now.

Speaker 2:

Your default is for that. He made you for that. So if you're out of that, um, get to that as soon as you can, and this is my encouragement in the way of that, because I know that's hard to say when you got some hurt or some betrayal and whatever else is going on in your relationship. This is what I know. I've prayed for this one point four billion dollar lottery and I ain't even got no lottery ticket and I have heard the Lord say no, no, and I have heard the Lord say no no.

Speaker 2:

And I've asked Lord, please, please, let me have a Range Rover and then not look bad on the pastor, and he has said no. And I was like Lord, please, can I have a little more money for retirement? And he has said wait. But if I were to pray, lord, would you give me a sea of healthy friendships that I can do life with good people and serve you better well, the Lord doesn't wait on that prayer yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

So that's the that's the.

Speaker 2:

That's our hope.

Speaker 1:

Wow in that so oh, I love that so much. Wow, I love how you brought it down, like I had thought about just planning for this podcast, moving a different way through it, but I think that sets it up so beautifully because, yeah, you can't really engage in all of the things that you want from a healthy relationship and a friendship without first understanding that where it comes from.

Speaker 2:

That's right. Um yeah, no, that's so good.

Speaker 1:

Amen. Wow, well, we know like practically friendships provide, you know, sense of belonging, connection, commonality, share values and experiences, all that kind of. You know the practical stuff day in and day out um insight outside perspective you know, um, trust, honesty, accountability, um, man I love, uh, I mean I.

Speaker 1:

you know there's those times that you think about you know you're like I don't need any friends, you know I got everything I need and you know I can kind of do this on my own. And then you realize, man, that feedback loop from someone else to help you, especially the practical help.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I mean tangible needs, like I mean come on moving a couch and preparing a meal. Sometimes, when you're down, you know there's just practical things that you don't. You don't realize until you sit down and take inventory that you realize that a deal that friendships provide Right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we got um, you know, and I would couple that with this notion. I think you're absolutely right, and I would couple that with this notion. I think you're absolutely right, and I would just couple it with this nuance in the way of feedback being more important than the end product. Yeah, and what I mean by that is friendship offers journey.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And you've heard the old cliche the journey is more important than arriving at the destination.

Speaker 1:

You know yeah.

Speaker 2:

And this is again. It goes back to theological, and I don't want to be too flighty today, I don't want to be too in the clouds, I don't want to be a dilly-eyed cloud dweller. But I think if we can think more theologically about the practical, it helps us delve more deeply into the practical. And what I mean by this is heaven is not going to be a destination. Heaven will be an eternal journey, an eternal rhythm, an eternal practice of knowing God and knowing others.

Speaker 2:

So, because it's eternity, there's nowhere to arrive, you're just experiencing it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I think when, um, I love what you said, the feedback loop as I'm doing merit, as I'm raising kids, as I'm working, as I am, uh, either contending with the government or loving the government, as I'm thinking about world events, doing life with people, where there's this, this cyclical feedback loop, that that speaks into how I'm experiencing those other things. Performing there in makes this the process, the end result, better, but makes the navigation therein sweeter. That's why god was so kind to give us friendship. So I think I think you're right, like the feedback loop. I love that language, by the way, but I think I think, well, my best friend's a guy named albert tate and we've been, we we've accomplished a lot of things together, but I'm telling you, the things that's changed my life is not the things we've accomplished, but the conversations we've had on the road to accomplishment.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's so true.

Speaker 2:

It's not the children we've raised. Yeah, it's the vent sessions we've had and given room for on our way to raising children relish in. What we glory in, it's not the things we got done, but the connection and sacrifice and and love and kindness and accountability that we've enjoyed on the way to those things yeah friendship really is the destination.

Speaker 2:

You know what I mean and so like, like that's the, that's the, that's the, that's what you're robbing yourself of. Yeah, when you don't do that, so it's again, it's not. Friendship is not a boon to other things. Other things are a boon to friendship and I think when you get that in your soul, when you get that in your spirit, man, you start to smell stop and smell the roses of friendship and relationship and connectivity. So, yeah, I'd love to know who your partners are too in that space. Cj albert's the guy.

Speaker 2:

I talk to albert every day, several times, a day more than likely and uh, I'm not sure why I have that much time, but I can't imagine not doing that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, so, like uh, and obviously me and april in matrimony and in our friendship and stuff too, and we talk every day, thank God, but like I can't imagine not having that, you know what about you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I've got a, I've got a group of guys um that I uh that I I touch base with frequently. So, one of my, one of my discipleship guys. Um is like kind of a confid. I bounce things off of Mine's a little bit more. I think like, uh, I don't have a, I still am in the search for that one that I go to is a deep well to draw from.

Speaker 1:

Um, you know, obviously, my wife and Jesus, those are two first and foremost, but I think, um, I have a young here at the church. Uh, he's been, he'd become a great confidant to me. We talk a lot of theology and some things that really, like you know, at a soul level, are just really really, um, you know, beneficial to me and my growth and, um, I hope it's reciprocated on the other side. Um, so, but yeah, I find them in little pockets and then my, to be honest, a lot of my golf buddies.

Speaker 1:

So I'll go out and I've I found a lot of it and just some touch points that are out. So it's all more of a variety of guys that I can gauge and, as you said, it's a journey. Like we go along, we do life together, we have real life conversations and there's import and export, you know, and within our relationship together.

Speaker 1:

And so, yeah, so it's pretty sweet. And then, um, you know, it's a little bit easier, I think, being in the church environment too, cause, you know, touch base with a lot of different people and personalities on staff. But, um, yeah, I probably, I realistically, when I look back and take inventory right now I probably only have about two or three, like you know, closer guys.

Speaker 3:

So, but for me.

Speaker 1:

I do, I am looking for that. You know that, albert Tate buddy, you know that, like that deep rooted one, that's been one that I've I've had a few of them in my life but I'd say they're seasonal, they kind of come and go no-transcript.

Speaker 2:

Your husband play golf. Yeah, you know that's where we become golf are.

Speaker 3:

Uh, guys are probably getting trouble for this, but golf or a cigar yeah, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying that, yeah, you should do.

Speaker 2:

For those who do For those who do, but there's something about when men get together doing manly things like that. You know, hunting trip and all that stuff, fishing I don't do all that, but you know what I mean. Yeah, me and you have gone several times. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, and we'll go and connect more in those four or five hours than we can in six months every day, and so I think to given yourself the space to be a friend is important.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean. So, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, well, we kind of touched on I mean you started off with some of the biblical illustrations and support we see, you know, for the benefits of friendship through scripture and from a theological standpoint, and so and I mean there's so many more I mean, like you said, the creation of humanity was intended to share fellowship with God and so, but I mean, like you said, the creation of humanity was intended to share fellowship with God.

Speaker 1:

And so but I mean, jesus' earthly ministry was filled with friendship, disciples, friend to sinners, all the things right, so many. But I mean, and you're going to hit on this, on a series we're going to end up doing, but David and Jonathan throughout scripture.

Speaker 2:

Right yeah, One of the great portraits of friendship in the Bible. I'm excited to preach about it, and if you've not read that man, definitely look at 1 Samuel and look at the relationship David has.

Speaker 2:

This shepherd boy turned king. The guy who is supposed to be king someday sees the hand of God on David's life. Is the key point yeah, sacrifices his own position so he could love God well and love his friend David well. And friends there's a friend, there's a friend. A friend I love your notes. Cs Lewis is famous for this quote A friend is who all of a sudden looks over at you and says you too.

Speaker 3:

You too.

Speaker 2:

There's a commonality that something's happened. That's the same about us, and so my point is the biblical portrait of friendship in David and.

Speaker 2:

Jonathan is first things first. Jonathan saw God's hand on David's life and said I want to be a part of that and I'm willing to do something and sacrifice something to make sure that what God's doing in this guy's life happens. And that's what friendship is. A friend should look at CJ and say I see what God's doing in you and I want to be a part of that. And I think, biblically, with respect to the gospel, we Christians that's how we define friendship. So and David and Jonathan's wonderful picture of that and it was tested. And yet man Jonathan proves to be the kind of friend that all of us should be trying to be in other people's life. So I think the postmodern and what I mean by that is progressive people today, you know post-modernity, kevin Van Hooser.

Speaker 2:

But I think even the way some of us are hearing this is tilted, jilted towards the self, and that's not how we should hear it. The way some of us are hearing this is tilted, jilted, towards the self.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And that's not how we should hear it. The average person listening to this conversation is like oh okay, that's the kind of friends I should look for. Is people who are going to be like that to me, and that's true, yeah, no, what you should be feeling is am I somebody's, jonathan, am I being the kind of friend who shows up in the person's life to say, man, I see what God's doing and I want to be a part of it, because here's, here's, the here's, the here and here has here's how it comes back to you. You get back what you put out. So that's that's. That's why I want everybody to understand that. So people you know there was this guy you know haven't had this conversation right.

Speaker 3:

Man.

Speaker 2:

I had this friendship man, they just left and they were just like terrible attitude. And then I had this other friend that you know just blew up on me. And then I had this other friend and man, it just broke down and you just couldn't understand. And then I had this other friend and finally the guy says hey, what's the common denominator in all these relationships? He says what. I don't know what you mean. He said it's you. He said I doubt you had that many bad friends. It's something about you. That's not saying what it really is all about, so that's that's my, I just want to encourage us.

Speaker 2:

You really do get back what you put out. Don't hear me say that there's not betrayal. Don't hear me say that there's not stank. Sometimes, yeah, but I've. Me and april are learning that, man, if we put it out there, we get it. We get it back because we're we. We got a different kind of job and so like, when we see people, it's their best day or worst day. It ain't never a normal day. The only reason people won't talk to me it's because something really great is going on, something really bad is never from friendship.

Speaker 2:

Right and we've noticed that as we try to get to know, do life with couples. That seems like a cool couple. Our kids are the same age. Let's invite them over and we'll have a good old dinner.

Speaker 3:

And it'll be like man that was so fun. And then you kind of wait for them to reciprocate and they never do, then we say, let's see if they come, and they come over, and we have no other good time and it's like they ain't asked us out.

Speaker 2:

And then we have a counselor and our counselor's name is Catherine, and Catherine says, well, have you told them you want to be friends? He said no, like we've taken them out the dinner. She's like, yeah, but you're their pastor. He's. He said, no, like we've taken him out the dinner. She's like, yeah, but you're their pastor. They're like, yeah, but she's like, don't you think?

Speaker 3:

they think that that's what you do for every couple in the church.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, so that's my point she says no, you actually have to put yourself out there, yeah, and express your intentions that, hey, we know we're your pastors, but it seems like we connect. Maybe we can be friends yeah, that's been a game changer. That's a big deal.

Speaker 1:

Wow, I didn't realize I can't believe that I'd never even really thought about that but we had neither, but that's so true. I mean it's so cliche, but you know, be be the kind of friend you want to have, and that's right. There's so many like in relationships, so many unmet expectations in all relationships but even friendships. So you're hoping for the reciprocation but not verbalizing.

Speaker 1:

That's right, your desire, need you know, or or showing up, you know, and so and yeah, it's kind of a that's interesting media immersed um tribalized moment of culture, human beings.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and you have never had to be more intentional, yeah, and vocal than you do today, yeah, though. Yeah, it is no longer assumed it's too much going on, it's too much noise, it's too much, too much gets drowned out. Yeah, if you want a friendship now, you got to be that dude at the YMCA. Just got through playing ball with this dude. Y'all was on the same team, y'all have fun and crack some jokes. You got to be the person who says hey dog, man, me and some dudes going out.

Speaker 1:

You got to do that now.

Speaker 2:

If you're couples, you know what I'm saying. Like your kids are playing on the same baseball team, right, you got to be like, hey, guys we love. We just thought maybe y'all would like to hang out, like put yourself out there and you get back eventually, what you put out there but especially people that work in leadership is. I want to encourage that because when you're a leader.

Speaker 2:

you're a leader, yeah, and I've noticed. I'm just going to keep it real Like I've noticed. I'm just gonna keep it real. Like I'm learning and I'm talking to my other pastor buddies, I'm learning how I have to shepherd people in moments I don't think I have to shepherd them. Because these are my coworkers, these are my people, but I'm learning that man, I'm their boss.

Speaker 2:

This is what they see, and that's not wrong. Yep, and I'm learning how I have to set them up to win, so it's not awkward. Yeah, I would just learn. Okay, I just started noticing Cause you know me, cj, I'm just me. I'm from Pearl Mississippi. Like we all know. I'm a mess, but like I've learned, when I go into the break room and it's like six, seven Southwest staff team in there and like I'm trying to get the door open and I could just hear and I walk and say hey, everybody says hey and everybody stops talking.

Speaker 3:

Okay, and I'm just like and they're like, it's not what we do.

Speaker 2:

And I've just learned go in for 30 seconds and get the crap out of there. So that they can have the time that they need to have in their break room, and my roundabout point is this how much more, then, do I, as a leader, have to be intentional?

Speaker 1:

to let people know that if they want to be my friend. I want to be their friend, I want to be your friend, yeah, like, hey, let's do this again. I love that. I mean, I was thinking intentionality, intentionality as you're saying that. And then, going back to even what you're saying, it's it's not the destination, it's part of the journey. You're like, hey, this is the journey.

Speaker 2:

So, hey, let's do this again, let's keep this going and, like we said earlier, god will answer. Be a good friend, he will not give you that 1.4 billion. Yeah, if he does, if he, if I do, get that ain't telling nobody well, ricky will be your friend if you get that.

Speaker 1:

No, I've told the lord, lord I'll give 50 to your name, jesus oh man, we're getting trouble in this again. I forget I miss this. Um so funny well. Um well, let's jump in. You know, obviously we've talked about the highs and you know the joys and you know kind of the established groundwork for it. Let's jump in. You know, obviously we've we've talked about broken relationships and my, my encouragement to us is I've experienced betrayal yeah I've experienced brokenness.

Speaker 2:

I've experienced pain from the very folks that should have been protecting me yeah so I've been there at 48. I'm able to look back at dozens of friendships and say, though, that the good far outweighed the bad, and that's my encouragement to you too.

Speaker 2:

Don't let one sour note or a few sour notes taint the beautiful music that God wants you to experience in your healthy relationships, and so I think we got to be honest and say it is real. But that is not an excuse to never delve into good friendships, and I think there's those of us who have been hurt, who have used that pain to define relationships instead of define a bad friend.

Speaker 1:

You know what I'm saying, and so I think.

Speaker 2:

I think there's a difference there and I want to encourage you to put yourself back out there. This is what now. This is terrible, but, like you know how to get over a bad friend, get a new friend.

Speaker 3:

It's just true, it's just true. I'm borrowing that from the world. You know what they say. I ain't doing all that.

Speaker 2:

But it's true, it's true, and there's some people who've been hurt by the church. You know, because it's a dumb church or whatever, but that doesn't define the church. How do you get over a bad church?

Speaker 1:

Get a new church.

Speaker 2:

Get a new church we are broken, there's a reason Christ had to come. Yeah, Because we're broken. Yeah, but man, but gosh. I can't imagine having said no to there's new friends. I have here in this community, guys like Ashton Davis, Stephen Stewart, obviously CJ McFadden. There's people like Kanji Mbugwa, other folks that are brand new relationships, essentially, you know, over the last few years. But I can't imagine having said because something happened to me back in 2004, that I'm not going to let those guys in the good outweigh the bad.

Speaker 1:

So I'm with you there. Oh, that's so good. I know, uh, gosh, the the saying those, uh, those you love the greatest, are the ones that can hurt you the most. And so there is, there's always, like you said, a sinful and broken people. And so you know, we're we're business of redeeming, that's right. And we get an opportunity, even through those friendships and that, to show redemption, to show forgiveness to to exercise those types of things Right. So that's part of the process.

Speaker 2:

That's right, and so yeah, and I find that's that's a good word, and I find that there's somewhat of a I don't know if this is strong enough to be a symbiosis and stay with me, but I do know it's an intrinsic connection between the connectivity I have with Jesus and the connectivity I have with people, but the person who is reluctant to get back into a friendship, that's more of an indication as to your relationship with God than is your relationship with others, and so know that if I've got a reluctance to get back to a friendship or partnership of some level, that's saying way less about what that person did to me and it's way more about what I'm not allowing God to do for me.

Speaker 1:

So it's always connected.

Speaker 2:

Again, heaven is me and God and me and you. Oh gosh, so it's always connected, yeah, right. And again, heaven is me and God and me and you. That's the plan, yeah, so so don't blame God. Yeah, because it has something to do with my hesitance to let God in that's played out by my refusal to let you in. It's always the same, and I say that because there's a lot of God-loving Christian folk who said no, I can't be with people, and people do people's things.

Speaker 1:

I can't do that.

Speaker 2:

I can't do that I can't do that, and what you don't know is that your heart is saying the same thing to God. Yeah, your heart is saying I can't let God in.

Speaker 1:

That's what you're saying, yeah, so anyway, well, and you're missing out, potentially, on the opportunity to participate in the things that God wants to do in and through you, to show his power and who he is and to reveal himself in some way to that other person. So, even at that, even if it starts as just something missional, to say you know what this is how God's called me to show up for others through those things. I found in this some of the sweetest, some of the best and deepest friendships I've ever had is with people that started off the roughest with I mean, we literally one of my best friends when I was younger. We got in a fistfight together and we ended up becoming best friends and it was that's totally weird, but like it started in a the most you know, like in a way that would probably never unfold, and it did.

Speaker 3:

And.

Speaker 1:

God used that in so many ways so that's right. You just you never know.

Speaker 2:

So, um, yeah, you look over and say you too yeah you too yeah, I was uh, I spent the summer with this, this great family they were. You know, god's blessed them with this beautiful house and they go away for the summer and, man, you may as well study here, and you know it's perfectly quiet. It was a blessing. But for like the first two or three weeks they were at the house, so we just got to hang out. Now I know them. They're friends, you know, but we became friends doing life together, three straight weeks, you know, and some would say we're as different as the day is long. Uh, him and his wife. But man, every night going to dinner, every morning getting up to go work out together at their local gym, man, god has a way of putting people together and creating friendships where you don't even think they're possible. They create such a seal in the soul. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

And then, before you know it though, you have deeper layers of conversation. You realize, oh, we got that in common. We got that in common.

Speaker 2:

We got that in common, we got that in common, we got that in common. And so, like some of you may be out there listening saying, well, yeah, but the only people that I've kind of around are folks that I would never hang with or never do this or never. Those may be the very ones that God's going to use to give you. Let me tell you a story when I I can't believe. I said this story years ago, but no one remembers. When I was engaged, me and April were getting ready to get married and I needed to lose like 10 pounds because I had bought this tux that was on sale and I just needed to and I wanted to look good. So I joined this gym around the corner downtown Memphis. Well, it's got these class classes. I'm like, okay, it's got a trainer, it's got this boutique gym Dude. I walk in first day, it is seven, I'm 34. I walk in and it's seven white ladies all over 70. And me, white ladies all over 70 and me. So I'm like, what in the world is this? And we're doing aerobics and all this kind of stuff and it was hard. This lady was working as hard. And these old ladies they were the golden girls. They were in shape. Yeah, bro, after two months we were thick as thieves. Oh wow, like it was like golden girls and fresh prince of bel-air.

Speaker 2:

We were one and I'll never forget. We were doing this one exercise and I was exhausted Like I couldn't do it and I remember just stopping the workout. I said, no, I'm just going to be fat. And her name was Miss Jeannie. Miss Jeannie was in her 80s and they literally stopped the tape and they said Ricky, you okay. I was like no, I'm just kidding, I can't, I'm tired, I can't do this. And Miss Jeannie walks over to me and says CJ, true story, no hyperbole. She says Ricky, honey, you're going to get back in there and you're going to work out and you are going to be amazing and when we get to your wedding you're going to be staring at your buns I'm a 37 year old black dude, 87 year old white lady in downtown Memphis.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that's my friend. Wow. So don't let the trappings of where you came from and what you look like Stop you. You know what I mean. Sometimes it's going to be your bestest friend.

Speaker 1:

Wow, oh, that's great, yeah, Cause I knew we were going to touch on some of the. You can find some of the most depth and you in a uniqueness in the in the diverse relationships potentially you know that seem the most unlikely. That's right, and so as you, as you, well illustrated, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And theology. We're all going to be friends with Jeannie in heaven. Every last one of us is going to have a very close relationship with Jeannie. Whoever your Jeannie is, we're going to be in heaven together. So practice now what God is going to perfect later.

Speaker 1:

That's what I was thinking we're going to participate in forever, wow. Well, yeah, as we start to kind of land the plane on the friendship stuff, like I did, want to hit a little bit on the you know friendship is found. We talk a lot about it through interpersonal relationship and it seems more of a one-to-one, but I think one of the best ways that we acquire that or find it sometimes is through community, right. So there's a you know the better together never meant to do life alone and all those things, but a lot of the times we think of it as me and another person. But I mean there is something to a friendship being a micro expression of the macro expression being community, and so a lot of my relationships I found, you know, joining a men's group or getting involved in something larger and going hey, there's you too, that's right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think. I think the application for all of us is how then might I help the church? How then might I allow the church to do I'm sorry, guys what the church is pretty darn good at? Yeah, but we ain't great at like accounting, or we ain't great at, you know, math. We ain't great at physics yeah, by God, we great at relationships we good at community. Yeah, we know how to bring people together. We throw an event every Sunday yeah we know what we're doing.

Speaker 2:

I mean say we're great at it but we not do it. And what does it mean for you to allow your local church to create um, easy on ramps, for you to get into community that will create these flourishing friendships. I think that's when Southwest is best, by the way, is when people are people, people allow themselves to say, by the way, is when people are people, people allow themselves to say, okay, I'll give it a shot.

Speaker 2:

And on the other side, of that I speak of Gary Levingston, who was going through some stuff three, four years ago Maybe I'll talk to the Lord about it and he comes and God heals him of his wounds and gets him into men's ministry, gets him into serving, and now he's probably one of the the faces of southwest church. Walked in off the street, yeah, and now I'm not sure there's any of us that wouldn't put him on our website as a representative of what we're trying to accomplish here. There is everybody's best friend and certain golden bachelor that's best friend but anyways, that's another story for another time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the church. I mean we're, you know we're a community center for godly relationships. So I mean you can just you know there's, and that's why I just wanted to include that. You know, if you don't know where to start, there's a great opportunity to jump into, you know, church and those environments to find the friends you're looking for and to practice being the friend you want to have. So well as always, we hope that our conversations are engaging and helpful. Any books, podcast resources, anything you want to point people to or anything off the top of your head man, maybe put this in the show notes, but we did.

Speaker 2:

This is years ago, a sermon from genesis 2 on adam and eve and just how when god invented community. So I think that'll help us some with the theology. I'm re-teaching that next year as, as a matter of fact, I put that in the we're doing a relationships series next year called um. Are we there yet, oh?

Speaker 1:

yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how to navigate relationships, god's way, so I'm looking forward to that, oh nice.

Speaker 1:

Well, there you have it, guys. We'll drop a bunch of stuff into the show notes. We different um articles from the gospel coalition, a couple of books and some stuff you'll want to check out, as well as, uh, the previous um, uh sermon, uh message that Ricky was talking about, and then, uh, as always, uh, be sure. If you have any questions or anything, let us know you can contact us at the other six days at southwestchurchcom.

Speaker 1:

That's the number six, yep. And then, uh, check us out on YouTube Also, if you guys want to watch, uh, we do that. We're on the YouTube broadcasting platform. We do a video as well. So any last thoughts or comments, ricky, before we wrap it up?

Speaker 2:

Just one comment that man almost lost it.

Speaker 1:

Gosh here it is.

Speaker 3:

In a new young minute.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's my last comment.

Speaker 1:

Well, there you have it, guys. Thanks for joining us on another episode of the other six days podcast. Be sure to hit that subscribe, follow, share and like and spread the word and, as always, take what you've heard and turn it into something you can do to further the gospel and the world around you. Until next time, peace, peace.